What is the benefit of being married if...

[LinkyPlease]

Advance apologies if this is the wrong place to post.

Just wondering what the benefits are if being married if you have children if:

• You both earn, similar-ish amounts and both work PT to look after younger ones
• you have joint mirror wills leaving each other everything
• you bought your property together and are named as 'joint tenants' so regardless of who put in what you get the same out if you split and sell
• you have your own personal documents signed and dated by both declaring that in the event of a split you would like all assets to be split as though you were married with the exception of xyz, and define that there too (fairly minor stuff)
• you are each named as the beneficiary of each others pension

I know I wouldn't have the legal final say if DP was on his deathbed, but that aside is there anything else significant we are missing out on?

I see stuff about how important it is to be married, esp with children in the family, but we're not keen on marriage at the moment so have set up the above as our safety net, so interested in what additional stuff marriage would bring

Thanks!

My partner is named as the beneficiary of my pension, and I am his. Presumably that can't be overruled. We also have death in service awards which go to each other.

Of course he could change his pension without me knowing (I could do the same...), his family could become different people and block me from decisions (though I'm named as executor of his will and own half the house so it seems unlikely). I've done a ton of research over the thirteen years we've been together, and decided it's a level of risk I'm comfortable with in our current circumstances.

I've heard so many stories of men who leave a marriage and manage their money so they don't have to pay maintenance. Marriage is no guarantee of security, it only improves the odds. I would prefer to be married than not as I see the benefits, but as our relationship is currently so equal I'm ok with the risk. If I were a SAHM with no income and didn't own the house I would feel very differently, of course.

We all put our faith in people for multiple different reasons, and I have 15 years worth of impeccable evidence to put my faith in DP, I don't think it's that risky tbh, plus the other steps we've taken, plus the fact that I'm a higher rate tax payer in my own right and can support my family on my own if needed. Just wondered, mostly from an idle bored-on-train POV which legal areas weren't covered.

Thanks for answers

VIckie

Re your comment:-

"We're named as executor of each others' estates so presumably would be able to open Letters of Administration, and we get on with and trust each others' close family so no worries about being overruled or pushed out of decision making".

That word presume again, you do not know so find out properly re Letters of Administration. Never ever presume anything and never assume anything re his family of origin playing nice either particularly if money and property are involved.

Easily solved with a quick Google:

There are strict rules about who can be an administrator. If there is a valid will, you can apply for letters of administration if:

• the person who died left all of their estate to you in the will, and
• the executors are not named, or cannot or are unwilling to act.

So yup, sorted. Everything we own is willed to each other.

Re: family, no of course it's never certain. Same with mine. But I struggle to see how a court would find in favour of someone else when we've lived together for twelve years and all our shit is willed to each other and has been for some years.

You are equal in all aspects now, but will you remain equal? Will one take time to raise children while the other excels in their career? Will one become ill or disabled? Marriage makes you equal partners, no matter what the future holds.

tax-free exchange of money between each other is the most important one to me

There was a thread on MN not so long ago about someone who couldn't even arrange to see the body of the person she loved after he died, nor have any dealings with the funeral directors as she wasn't next of kin

His family had banned her from the funeral home and the funeral director has to abide by the wishes of the NOK. That alone for me would be enough to get married

I posted about that - not me but a close family member. It was because she wasn’t named as executor in his will - it was his sister who was executor and he had never updated his will, even though they had been together 10 years.

The family also banned her from the funeral and only relented when the funeral director and the vicar who conducted the funeral persuaded them to allow her to attend. However there was no mention of her and their relationship during the funeral service, no one spoke to her there and it was made very clear that I she was unwelcome.

On the flip side, don't get married because...your not liable for someone else's financial irresponsibility, they can't cheat on you and then take half your savings/pensions ie get rewarded for treating you badly, can't kick you out of your home that you alone have paid for nor can they make claims on any of your property. A lot of unmarried, long-term couples I know seem much happier as they know they have to work hard to keep things good between them. Marriage breeds complacency, I've seen it so many times that once married couples stop making the effort. I got married, now divorced...never again. No one will ever have sway over my future like that again.

I put my faith in the solicitor who dealt with our house purchase, he'd registered our house as 'tenants in common' not 'joint tenants' which all our paperwork asked him to.
Of course I didn't find that out until my partner had died very suddenly of a heart attack aged 39 and so my partners share of the house passed to his children of a previous relationship.

Just get married OP it gives you the security you need!

NOK is pretty nebulous in all parts of UK, and essentially irrelevant if you get on well with DP's family. But if anything goes wrong, it can turn into an embuggeration probably at a time that's already stressful.

And also if an accident occurs whilst on holiday abroad, it might matter very much indeed.

But what wouid concern me is that pension beneficiaries and wills can be superseded at the stroke of a pen. A spouse can argue for a fair share, based on what accumulated during the marriage. A non-marital partner is very likely to be high and dry.

@KanielOutis If that happens we'll think again. We've already agreed that if we ever own enough for inheritance tax to kick in, we'll have to get married.

I don't understand the material difference between a registry office marriage (doesn't have to be a wedding) and a civil partnership?

Davros Neither do I.

No inheritance tax between married couples.

Vickie check the rules of the pension scheme carefully. It is possible that all you have done is give a nomination to the trustees/administrators of someone you would like them to consider as a recipient of the benefits. It is quite possible that they may have power to override your wished and I have known trustees/administrators who have done just that and paid to the deceased siblings rather than his or her partner. There's case law supporting the trustees' decision in such situations.

wishes not wished

OP -how about a civil partnership?

I didn’t think Next of Kin was a defined legal concept??

@MervynBunter Ok, can do. Mine looks fine - it specifically mentions partners - but I'll ring them and will check his. But why would it be awarded to someone who isn't named in the will? That just makes no sense. Neither of us have children from previous relationships or ex-spouses.

Civil partnerships aren't yet available to heterosexual couples.

Linky- I was with my H for 23 years and would have put him in the top 1% of decent guys in the world and " he would never shaft me" - guess what? He has now had his head turned and is prepared to throw me and his kids under the bus. I never 1 million per cent would have seen this coming . Protect yourself.

Op lots of people have mentioned inheritance tax and as you own a home and are a hr tax payer this is probably something you should consider

Also, if you have children and for some reason a medical decision needs to be made about the baby before it's been registered and you're not able to make it your partner won't have any rights to make the decision, it will be your relatives. This is the reason a friend of mine got married whilst pregnant

We've already got two children, both registered with us both and none more on the horizon.

I think we're currently teetering around the inheritance tax limit, once life insurance etc is paid out if one of is dies soon we'd be over it, so that might be with thinking about, it certainly seems to be the main reason which makes sense to me at the moment as I know others disagree but I really don't have concerns about the NOK etc stuff

Civil partnerships aren't yet available to heterosexual couples.
They are, they are registry office marriages, call them partnerships if you prefer

They're marriages!