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Original poster

How to spend my birthday with 2 young children?

37 replies

Celiasausage · 07/09/2018 13:19

DP doesn't see birthdays as important.

So he's going on a hobby trip on my birthday and I have the 2 very young children to look after.

I may be on my own, I may have some help from my aunt on the day, but won't know until closer to.

How do I spend it? How do I occupy them and treat myself at the same time?

DH wants to do something as a family the day after, but I'd quite like a break from the children! Although I'm BF the 6 month old so cant have a whole day away.

OP posts:
Whalebird · 07/09/2018 13:22

Seems like this would be a good time to spread cake everywhere. Should keep both of them occupied long enough for you to eat your own, and maybe to make and drink a cup of coffee. That's only about half an hour though Confused

sorry about your DH.

Bibstersgirl · 07/09/2018 13:24

Share a cake with them, and once they’re in bed treat yourself to your favourite tipple and takeaway delivery

Original poster
Celiasausage · 07/09/2018 20:05

I think cake will be a must! Hopefully, they will go to bed! The baby doesn't go down easily in the evenings. I was hoping for a lie-in the morning after but he won't be home until 2am so is going to be too tired to get up early with DCs. 🙄

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 07/09/2018 20:12

That's a bit shit. Please treat him just the same on his birthday.

I'd make everything super easy for yourself. Take them to a soft play with a friend so you can relax with a coffee and a chat. Go to the park in the afternoon. Give them super easy meals that aren't a pain to clean up and make sure you have a nice takeaway and wine in the evening.

And then tell your DP he's a twerp and it's time he cared about how you feel.

UbercornsGoggles · 07/09/2018 20:19

Spend at least 1 hour planning where you're going (without kids) on his birthday and where you're going to hide the sugared espresso and kittens for your kids to find 5 mins after you leave the house.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 07/09/2018 20:21

On his birthday book somewhere special.
For yourself - and leave him with the dc.
Fake an emergency dental app, switch your phone off and enjoy.

neffall · 07/09/2018 21:24

Book a children's entertainer and charge it to his credit card.

cantstandmenow · 07/09/2018 22:14

*DP doesn't see birthdays as important.
*
Even if it's your** birthday and important to you?

I find that really rather rotten, and sad. What about the DC's birthdays?

Thanks
Original poster
Celiasausage · 07/09/2018 22:46

He says it can be celebrated on another day. He tends to be present for DCs birthdays and often plans the parties with me.

🤣😏 to the childrens entertainer idea ❤

OP posts:
Original poster
Celiasausage · 07/09/2018 22:49

I posted about it last year on MN as I was celebrating a milestone birthday but the hobby tournament fell on the day again. I felt devastated he was choosing the tournament over my birthday but the general MN consensus then was that I needed to just grow up and celebrate on a different day.

OP posts:
FelixTitling · 07/09/2018 22:56

So if you can celebrate it on another day, when will that be what are the plans for it? That all needs to be organised and booked in BEFORE he goes off to his event.

Redteapot67 · 07/09/2018 23:03

I think this is a bit crap of your oh

Def children’s entertainer!

There’s nothing u can do to treat yourself that’s why it’s shit he’s left u alone with two young kids on your birthday!

Butterfly44 · 08/09/2018 02:14

Ah....my ex was the same. I did loads on his birthdays - surprise 40th, experience treats. Never got any of that back. I gave up on the one sided 'relationship'
Can you also go out and celebrate in the eve when he's back? I would say how you feel though...resentment harbours, and a relationship should be about partnership. Birthdays for your other half should be special imo. 💐

Original poster
Celiasausage · 08/09/2018 02:19

There is nothing planned for another day. I mentioned this to him and he said he would plan a meal for the following weekend. Although then it won't feel like my birthday at all as it's my DFs birthday that weekend and the weekend previous to my birthday is my sister's birthday. Even though I may not see other family members on that day, it still won't feel like
I am celebrating my birthday as it's someone else's day in the family. Explained this to DH. He shrugged and said "well od you want to see it that way...."

OP posts:
Original poster
Celiasausage · 08/09/2018 02:29

He leaves at 10 am amd won't be home until 2am butterfly so can't even do that. Hes also missing the baby's bottle feed (he gives one at 10pm so that I can sleep) so I'm going to be getting less sleep too... particulalrly as I only give boob! 😴😴😴

OP posts:
neffall · 08/09/2018 04:54

Ok, in all seriousness - if you're in a big city then definitely look into getting a night nanny for the night. And tell your DH not to come back as well so that he doesn't wake you up when he's crashing around at 2.30am.

safetyfreak · 08/09/2018 04:57

Can he not for one day not go? I would not be happy either. Nothing wrong with wanting an effort made on your birthday, it's about what you want in an relationship.

TastelesslyDone · 08/09/2018 06:15

Tiny bit against the grain here: if this particular hobby tournament only falls on one day a year, then it would be reasonable to expect him to attend. But one would also expect an effort to be made before or after.

e.g. say he’s a runner - it’s the Great North Run this weekend, and if you were based in the North East, and this was one of a couple of events he participates in, I’d get that.

On the other hand, if there are alternative tournaments for his hobby at different times of the year which he could attend, then maybe he’s being unreasonable.

Still, 10am though 2am the following day seems a long time.

Limpshade · 08/09/2018 06:16

On principle, you should do things YOU like on your birthday. But with two young kids it will be easier for you to do things THEY like (at least the older one). So I'd echo PP who said to take them to a soft play - or a farm park, petting zoo etc.

DH's belated present to you the following day can be time off (as much as is practical while you're BF - although as it sounds like the 6mo takes a bottle, you could take a pump and a cool bag with you and stay out longer) for you to do something on your own that YOU enjoy.

MarthaHanson · 08/09/2018 10:09

That is epically shit golf your DH. It is not odd to want a fuss on your birthday. You really need to talk about this with him.
In the meantime, I echo everyone’s suggestions of making it as easy as poss for yourself, so cinema/soft play, could a mum mate take your kids for an hour or two so you could go for a massage/have a coffee and read a book in peace/go for a swim, (or if you have the £ hire a babysitter for a couple of hours) could you book the older one into a gym class for part of the day?
I’m really sorry he’s being a dick OP. Life is hard enough with small children.

MarthaHanson · 08/09/2018 10:09

Golf?! Don’t know where that came from!

Original poster
Celiasausage · 08/09/2018 10:28

I may see if my aunt can look after the children for a couple of hours so that I can do something for me like head to the library and enjoy the peace!

OP posts:
TwoGinScentedTears · 08/09/2018 10:39

Or you throw yourself into having the kids. Take them to soft play/playground/something they'll love. There a lot to said for getting out of the house on a day like that. Stop at Waitrose or M and S buy them the kid friendly ready meals and yourself a meal deal thing for tea. Maybe even make a pass the parcel for when you get home, blow up some balloons and make a fuss! It'll give you no time to think about how rubbish it feels and wear the kids out.

Original poster
Celiasausage · 08/09/2018 11:50

Tried talking to him. He really doesn't get it at all. Going round and round in circles just exhausting myself. Its easier not to say anything.

OP posts:
TeacupTattoo · 08/09/2018 13:31

Please don't fall in to the trap of not saying anything as resentment WILL set in. You're going to have to be firm with your boundaries...say clearly that your birthday is important to you and as your loving partner you expect him to appreciate that even if he doesn't feel it for his birthday. It's one day a year where you would like some focus on you, and there's nothing wrong with that at all!! Different matter if he's working but anything else takes a back seat. Suggest he has one day that the same priority is given to him if you think that would appease him but you aren't asking for the world!! An hour or two with no children, maybe a hairdressers appointment, no cooking - whatever makes you smile, tell him. This man is meant to care about your feelings and want to make you have those smiles.