Ducks in a row checklist?

[Mitzimaybe]

My friend's husband has just told her, out of the blue, that he doesn't love her any more, wants a divorce and wants her to pay him back all the money he has contributed to the mortgage - for starters. Obviously she's going to get legal advice but I have a feeling I've seen a link on here to a kind of checklist for wives in this situation - can anyone help?

The house will likely be 50:50 split anyway.
Unless it's a short marriage and it was hers before she got married.
He's talking bollox.
She will need her marriage cert. to get a divorce.
Any kids?
If so get their paperwork together, birth certs, passports etc...
All account info. Joint and sole bank accounts. Savings, ISA's etc...
Get info on his wages, wage slips, and his pension info.
All mortgage info, who's name is the house in?
Have a lot at rentals in the area and how much they cost and compare to what he has contributed.
So has he been paying 50% of bills and 50% of mortgage?

Thanks. I don't know all the ins and outs of their finances but the house was hers originally and still in her name and it has been a fairly long marriage but no kids.

I've told her to see a solicitor as he's already starting to be a bit of a dick so it's only likely to get worse.

Tell him to fuck off as his contributions are basically like rent. If he wants money out of the house he can pay for court and see how he gets on

And photocopy/ take pics of every document as he sounds like a total cunt and will probably try to plead poverty.

Yeah, I've seen it so many times on here that previously nice and reasonable men just turn so nasty and malicious.

He hasn't moved out as he says she has to give him the money to buy himself a house.

Blackmail. Great.

She needs solicitors advice on how to get him out legally.

He is probably way ahead of her so she needs to act fast on documents etc.

If it is a long marriage he probably will be entitled to a share of her house. It might be as well to discuss how much he wants to be bought out of a claim.

The house ceased being hers and became theirs when they married. It doesn’t matter what the deeds say or who holds the mortgage. This applies to all their wealth. Nb Scotland has slightly different rules but after a long marriage they are in 50/50 territory. That includes savings and pensions. Until the divorce settlement is resolved he is entitled to live there.

Her duck in a row would be to work out if what he is asking for is less than what he could get if they turn this into a legal row. That could cost her more in terms of a settlement and legal fees. Getting agressive with him or refusing to be reasonable could push him into the arms of the so a called sh*t hot solicitor. She potentially has a lot to lose and he has a lot to gain if that happens. He only needs to speak to anybody with a reasonable knowledgeable of divorce to figure things out.

Being reasonable and straightforward will avoid legal costs which should be unnecessary given there are no children. As her friend get her to speak to a solicitor who will advise her on the best course of action. Make sure she doesn’t try to fight a battle over what she thinks she should keep rather than what she is legally entitled to keep.

I will bet my custard cream that whatever she proposes he will want to up it. His sense of entitlement is already way off kilter.

Best thing is that she shouldn’t make any proposals and if she does keep it slow or low. He’s asked and she should consider whether it is a doable ask compared to what he could get. If he wants out quick and fast, she could get her best deal by conceding to a low ask and getting it all tied up. The fact that this is “Out of the blue” would indicate he has a new life planned and wants the capital. That gives her leverage. Especially if there is an OW waiting in the wings, wanting him to move out and on. She can probably play the waiting game whilst he can’t.

But she needs to check there is no debt or hidden assets / savings.

I didn't mean she should propose anything., She should ask what he expects so she can go and get herself some advice as to whether it would be sensible to snap it up of be in it for the long haul fight!

OK thanks everyone.