Alcohol shame

[JulosMac76]

Hi All,
I've been making a real effort lately to cut out/back on alcohol. I'm not a drunk but drink wine in the evening way too often. Myself and my partner decided no more midweek and have been doing fine. Last night, however, the lure was too much and I secretly snuck some sips of whisky straight from the bottle before he came home from work. Stupid. By the time he came home I was drunk and struggling...of course he noticed but I passed it off as a side effect/feeling unwell. He was incredibly worried about me and is still so. I am so ashamed of myself. So much so that I just wanted to put it out there in writing. I'm not looking for sympathy, simply wanted to share. Thanks for listening

Congratulations on acknowledging and starting to work through your problem. You'll need to learn to be able to talk completely honestly and openly about your drinking, even if you have a major relapse, with your partner, and also with some kind of sponsor or counsellor. The more you talk, the less guilty and shameful and the more matter-of-fact you will feel about it. You could also see about not keeping any alcohol in the house. It may make it easier to deal with. Or it may not. Its worth considering though.

The jury remains out on whether any level of drinking has health benefits. For someone with a drink problem, being able to drink moderately is next to impossible.

Exceptional it seems you are in denial about your Dad. He was consuming 70-100 units of alcohol a week which would have a detrimental impact on his health and a significant drain on family finances.

His long hours and long commute would indicate that he was sinking 4-6 beers rapidly in his short evenings to get quietly pissed quickly. This means that he was not available for you emotionally both when drunk and when hungover. You may not be aware of this emotional deficit / neglect as this was all you knew. If he was the only adult in the home this was also irresponsible and high risk. Alcoholics come in all shapes, not all are the raging violent types, many use alcohol to tune out and are emotionally “absent”.

How are you doing Julos? Did you tell your DP yet?

You’ve done so well in taking the first step and recognising there’s an issue. He sounds great (as do you) and you’ll be much stronger if you can be honest with him.

Hi another, my mum did similar as a single parent - it meant gauging her mood before i opened to say anything, no comment on burnt dinner, no questioning, definately no friends round and if i got myself in a situation past 7pm i was going to be the one to sort it out.

She absolutely did the best she could, there were few better alternatives available at the time, i had good friends, teachers and hobbies. But I have been inalterably shaped by how I grew up.

OP - the adult child of alcoholics website is really good to look at that aspect.

hi there,

yes, I spoke to him and he was absolutely fine and understanding, if a little annoyed that I didn't feel able to open up freely. Things are going really well, I spent a lot of time looking at information on adult children of alcoholics and found it quite eye opening. I've been continuing to read and listen to advice and have reached out to an online counseller who I've been in daily touch with. I had my day out with friends on Saturday, had too much but went to bed hours before everyone else so at least managed to stop and realise I'd had too much. I've not had anything since and I am feeling really good and positive. DH & I have had some good quality time together, work has been easier and I've achieved much more, I look and feel better even from these 7 days off over 2 weeks so I know that it can only get better. I still don't want to stop completely and want to self manage by having some at the weekends but maybe I am kidding myself. I have to admit this does not feel anywhere near as difficult as I led myself to believe! I've been eating healthy and taking milk thistle and vitamins to repair any damage I may have done, 8 hours quality sleep a night etc. There is still a little voice lurking telling me that it I will fail again but it is getting quieter, and I know that, even if I do, it won't be a downward spiral back to where I started.

Thanks all, and thanks for checking up on my too SleightOfMind xx

Well done OP. You have made great progress - keep up the reading and emotional support - you will need it. If it feels like you are struggling with white knuckle ride based on will power then recognise this is the time you need to invest more in emotional support - so reach out.
There are lots of threads on here and elsewhere on the impact of cutting down and tips to do so. There are many people trying to do so.

Aw that’s great to hear. Well done you! You’re actually ahead of the curve, it’s very trendy to limit your booze intake

I’m so pleased you’re feeling more in control.