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Original poster

Is this a bit odd?

27 replies

Onelife52 · 07/09/2018 08:13

DP and I have been together 2.5 years.

Saw a pile of photos the other day on the kitchen counter of him and an ex. When I asked where they’d come from he said she had posted them to him that week.

They’ve been split 6-7 years and I am aware that they have sporadic contact- never had a problem with that, but this feels a bit Hmm to me. He says he hadn’t asked for them.

OP posts:
Frosty66611 · 07/09/2018 08:16

I’d find it very weird if they aren’t good friends anymore. It would make me think he’s talking to her a lot more than he says he is as it’s completely bizarre behaviour for her to send them to him otherwise

Bumdishcloths · 07/09/2018 08:16

More than odd. Intrusive at best, at worst an insidious attempt to remind him "what he's missing".

Shoxfordian · 07/09/2018 08:17

Yes it's weird
Sounds like she's still interested
Are you sure the contact is sporadic not regular?

TwoGinScentedTears · 07/09/2018 08:18

Odd on her part, but your dp didn't hide them or anything and unless there's something else going on I'd just forget it.

stellabird · 07/09/2018 08:18

Maybe she is moving / having a cleanup and found them...thought he might like to have them. Just a thought.

1Skittles8 · 07/09/2018 08:19

And what were they doing on the kitchen counter?

Joysmum · 07/09/2018 08:22

Very odd, but at least he’s not tried to hide it.

HereIgoagainxx · 07/09/2018 08:22

If he wasn't hiding them, I'm inclined to think the ex is doing the pursuing. But yes, it's odd. She could be done and sussing him out to see if he will engage more with her.

Bumdishcloths · 07/09/2018 08:23

@stellabird I can't imagine a situation where I'd dig out old photos and send them to someone I was no longer with - my first instinct would be to bin them...

1Skittles8 · 07/09/2018 08:23

Stuff like that doesnt need to be on show, not sure why he would want to keep them anyway seeing as he's gone this long not having these photos. He should have just binned them and not thought anymore about it. Yes there may not be anything to worry about but the fact he's left them on the kitchen worktop for you to find isnt very considerate.

Ohyesiam · 07/09/2018 08:25

Maybe she was having a clear out, and is not very sensitive.
If it’s a reminder about what he’s missing she is even less sensitive.

Saggital · 07/09/2018 08:32

The reason they have been in sporadic contact is because she wanted to keep open to his status. Now she finally realises he’s not coming back and it’s her way of saying these are no longer important to me anymore. She probably led the relationship and this is her way of controlling the end of it. Doubt they will be in touch anymore.

Mmer · 07/09/2018 08:35

Very odd on her part. It would never cross my mind to do this unless I was still interested.

Original poster
Onelife52 · 07/09/2018 08:37

I honestly don’t know how much contact they have, as we don’t live together. We tried the living together, but my work meant I was travelling 100+ round trip every day, so I moved back to where I used to live.

He moved to the area 3 years ago from London, which is where she is.

I can only presume they were left on the worktop because he’s a messy git Grin and forgot about them.

It did make me feel a bit Hmm as I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to send any ex’s old photos of us together.

It has made me wonder if she knows about me though...

OP posts:
Original poster
Onelife52 · 09/09/2018 16:02

A small update

Had a further discussion with DP about the photos from his ex and I asked how much contact they actually have?

I was quite shocked at his answer... He says it’s about once or twice a month & her and her grown up daughter had recently sent him a postcard from a holiday they’d been on (no sign of this on display 🙄).

I asked if she was aware of me to which he replied “it’s never come up in conversation”.

WTF does that mean? Surely if they’re just ‘mates’ would it not have come in to conversation over the past 2.5 years?

I have no issue with him being friends with her if it’s all above board, but now I feel like a dirty secret!

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 09/09/2018 16:11

Suggest he invites them round to dinner with you at his next time you are down. Always good to know each other's old friends, eh?

Original poster
Onelife52 · 09/09/2018 16:36

She lives further away than me and the last time he went to see her I wasn’t invited. So far as I know she has never been to visit him.

Yeah, he knows my mates.. Hmm

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 09/09/2018 17:21

I'd be deeply suspicious but I would give him the opportunity to arrange us all meeting up so that suspicion will go. If he fails to do this, well, I'd be the new ex.

LollyPopsApple · 09/09/2018 19:23

The fact he’s never mentioned his new girlfriend in 2.5 years together is an act of omission. I hope you realise that? It didn’t just ‘not come up’. Think of the many times she’ll have asked what he’s been up to or about his plans for the week or the year and he’s chosen to leave you out of it. If they were just friends now, that’s something they’d discuss. Do you have any friends who would deliberately hide that they’re with someone? Nope.

Very suspicious indeed. Whether or not he’s actually up to something dodgy the disrespect of hiding your existence to an ex could very well be a deal breaker for me. He obviously had a motive to do this: what is it?

Original poster
Onelife52 · 10/09/2018 16:04

Transpired that the photos weren’t sent by his ex. He found them in a pile of photos and forgot to put them away.

He’s just sent me a video of him burning them saying “this is what I should have done when I found them”. Sad.

Not sure if I can get past the lying. All a bit dramatic for me.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 10/09/2018 17:22

What was the point of him lying? To make you jealous? He sounds like a idiotic drama queen, sending videos of burning photos, wtf???? Must be exhausting to live with not knowing whats the truth/lies.

Original poster
Onelife52 · 10/09/2018 17:49

Ruddy I did point out that it was a pointless thing to do. I have no idea why he lied- have asked but all he says is “I would have been upset to know he’d been looking at ex’s photos”.

I think I’m as being in my early 50’s it’s all a bit HmmConfusedGrin. I’m no teen.

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Original poster
Onelife52 · 10/09/2018 17:50

Meant to say ‘done’ as being

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/09/2018 17:55

He hasn't mentioned you at all? Keeping his options open or still having some sort of relationship with the ex.

Original poster
Onelife52 · 10/09/2018 18:12

No evidence that he has- no 🙄. She’s too far away for the later!

My wall is up now, so unless ihave massively got this wrong, then I’m done (love shouldn’t be this hard) relationships /at times- yes 😂

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