Marriage post kids - how did yours change?

[Aw12345]

Just wondering if the changes in our marriage are normal after a baby...

.I used to work in quite a high up job and feel respected by DH but now I just feel patronised
. I resent the fact he seems to think he shouldn't have to do anything for DS overnight if he has work (as if me looking after a baby all day is a day off )
. He relocated himself (with his mother's advice) to the spare room and I had to nag him to come back into our own bed
.he thinks saying "have a nap" is him being supportive (no consideration that I do have things to do and don't nap easily during the day)
.he has remembered our anniversary but just said 'oh sorry, i thought I had got you a card but I havent'
. in the evenings I have to ask him to take the baby for a bit, last night he took DS for 30 minutes then came and said he had stuff he wanted to do so gave the baby back to me

Is all this normal after a baby?!

He sounds as stressed and unhappy as you are. He's trying to do the right thing. By the sound of it he moved into the spare room because he thought this would help you get more sleep. Forgetting your anniversary is perhaps a sign of stress too - but in the scheme of things its not such a big deal. Although he could do more to help, he sounds like a decent guy. You both need to communicate a lot more, because it sounds like there's a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions going on from both your ends. Perhaps a counsellor would help.

Thanks for your reply :-) you're right he's not really a bad guy, I just feel unsupported I guess

I resent the fact he seems to think he shouldn't have to do anything for DS overnight if he has work (as if me looking after a baby all day is a day off hmm) - Well, then he can look after the baby at the weekend, no?

Either it's hard (in which case you need a break, too) or it's easy and he won't mind doing it. If he says he can't, then he needs to learn - it's his child too.

I don't think it's unusual. It's not unusual for men to think babies are women's work, but it sexist and is something that would turn me into a ball of furious resentment, so you have my sympathies. A discussion would seem to be in order - hopefully he'll step up.

Sounds standard.

Although not married ( engaged ) , mine and DP relationship massively changed dynamics post baby . It's only now a year on were back to an even place ( if that even makes sense lol ) , that's not to say we have been unhappy - the total opposite with our beautiful baby boy but we both had to get used to our new roles as parents and as a couple . My partner became a complete topper and would non maliciously say about how working was much harder and that he could look after our son all day every day , so I tried it 2 months ago and said I'm going the hairdressers , I'll be back in 2 hours ... an hour later he arrived at the Hair dressers acting cool as a cucumber but clearly having a breakdown lol ... no baby bag , so no nappies , wipes , no juice , no snacks etc
I just laughed . I needn't say anymore to him and he hasn't said it since or had DS lol
Many a time he would come home and I could say ohhh he's not really slept well today etc just generally chatting and he'd have to top it with how awful he had slept the night before ( in the whole year we've had our son I have never asked my partner to do a single feed or get up for dummies , cuddles etc because he works ) and that hes just sooo exhausted but if I ever say I was tired he'd do the 'why are you tired , you could nap all day , as though babies sleep all day and when they are asleep you have a thousand other things to get on with lol
It took 9 months and me having to say , you don't take any responsibility even when you get from home work etc and I think if you spent even an hour properly with little one your relationship will improve ... and it did . Which gave me half hour to recoup and sort the toys and tea and bottles and run the bath etc which made me feel abit more supported .

Sorry for rambling , I think all I'm trying to say is that although my partner still utterly takes the mick and goes for poos that last an hour because he's playing stupid games on his phone at 37 when he's been asked to watch our son , we've learnt to sit comfortably back into our new roles a year on and have come back together again as a couple rather than a tirade of who's the tiredest , who's job is harder etc and both feeling pissed off and disrespected as the earner and as the on the maternity mum ! X

I hope this is helpful x