Can't make or keep friends

[Lost13]

I can't seem to be able to keep any friendships.
It's really affecting my relationship. My partner is very popular, has loads of friends and doesn't really understand.

When I was a child I struggled to make friends. I have no long term friends at all. I have tried to make friends- been to meet up groups but I seem to make a friend through that or at work but it fizzles out within a couple of months. I thought I had made a good friend, messaged her 7 weeks ago to see if she wanted to go out again with the kids- she still hasn't replied.

It's really affecting my relationship. My partner goes out several times a week but her friends and family don't really talk to me. We've been together a few years and I've met them all loads of times but they've never become my friend. It's like they tolerate me but aren't really interested. They haven't added me on Fb- they all post on there all the time or got my number. If I'm with my partner they will talk a bit but generally I'm just there by myself. I'm really shy so that doesn't help. My partner says people don't get me because I'm so quiet. I do try and talk but I find it difficult.

I just feel so lonely. I'm not really close to my family so only have my partner who has all these people who care about her.

My parents don't have friends either but my siblings do.

I just don't know how to keep a friend. At the moment I have one friend who I've been friends with for a year but that's it. She's not especially nice to me either but I tiptoe around her because I would be so lonely if I lost her as well.

I am interested in people when I talk to them and generally am a kind and loving person but I just can't seem to find anywhere I fit in with people.
I feel like as much as I love my partner it's so hard being with someone who everyone loves because it reminds me of what I don't have which is unfair on my partner who is a good person. It's made harder by the fact that my family all love her and have made her feel really welcome when hers haven't at all.

I just feel so lonely and feel like this is never going to change. I'm in my 30s and still can't make a friend.

Hey there, I'm just wondering if you might have social anxiety which leads to chronic shyness and people don't get to know you. I know because I probably suffer from it in a mild form.

My suggestion would be CBT, it will teach how not to be afraid to open up around people and show the real you and how great a person you are and people will then see you would make a really good friend who people would want in their life :)

There's nothing wrong with being quiet and shy but i can understand why this would make it difficult. Maybe look at what interests and hobbies you have, join a club associated with that. You'll have common ground. Try not to beat yourself up though

Hey Lost13. I'm sorry you feel this way.

My main piece of advice would be to have a really good, proper heart-to-heart with your partner about this. She knows you best & tell her exactly how you feel. She may be more popular than you but she chose you for a reason & im sure she loves you. Really open up to her.

Secondly, do you initiate conversation? Do you ask people about themselves? Do you think it's clear that it's shyness & not lack of interest? Be sure to tell people you're shy too. People appreciate honesty & you'd be amazed at how they don't always put the pieces together.

Keep trying & keep communicating with your partner. I'm sure she doesn't equal you in many ways too. Yin & yang.

Just wanted to post and say I am very similar to you and in same situation. I think there are many people out there friendless.

Mine is shyness and I find it very hard to open up, which may be putting people off. I had trouble making friends from school age too, I think this has not given us the right skills in adult life to form those relationships.

I have made an effort to make friends, but those friendships usually fall away anyway.

Other posters have made some good suggestions, just wanted post and say your not alone.

Hi OP I just wanted you to know about positive psychology that has been developing as a field in the last couple of decades. Research is focused on functional behaviors rather than dysfunctional and problem psychology. One of the areas of study is friendship. Researchers have found that developing friendships is a learned behavior and it is usually learnt from our parents. So if your parents struggled with friendships and didn’t have any friends there is a good chance you will also struggle.

You may want to take up the other posters suggestions of therapy but you could also have the therapist teach you how to make friends. Your partner also sounds like someone who would be a good role model and could give you advice about making friends.

So don’t be so hard on yourself, making friends is not something innate but a skill.