Hi All,
Sorry it’s a long one! I’m having a few issues with my DP and I don’t know where to start. Deep down I know I need to leave him but neither of us would leave the house. It’s in both our names.
The arguments are just getting worse, he will not accept responsibility for when he is in the wrong. I’m tired, stressed and very low right now. I have a very mentally challenging job and work full time. He works shifts so I appreciate this can be hard.
I just cannot get my head around what is wrong, just can’t put my finger on it but he’s very self absorbed. He goes over and over the past each and every day telling me what he was put through by his ex and all the different scenarios that played out. He said he’s had counselling but I don’t think it helped, he also moans about how old he’s getting and I mean daily, everytime he gets a pain or any illness, he reckons he has cancer. He moans about things in the house looking grubby (honestly you can’t see what he’s talking about), oh and the cushions on the sofa must be pumped all the time as they go out of shape, even if someone has sat down and gets up, he’s like what’s happened here, you can’t allow this to happen. At first I thought it was OCD or depression but the doctor did a test and said he was fine (he goes mad if you say that) but I’ve concluded it’s more about him and his status, he’s overly concerned what his friends have, what they earn, they’ve done better than him so everything has to seem good enough. He’s always saying they have better houses. He’ll point out marks on the table that have been there a while and ask how it got there then loses it if I tell him it’s been there a while. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells!
The next thing is he blames everything onto someone in the house, I have a 16 year old son and we have a 3.5 daughter together. He won’t admit it but he just doesn’t get on with my son any longer, they’ve never been close but it’s getting worse. My son has ADHD and ASD so sees things a lot differently to others. It’s like he will go out of his way to upset my son, I’ve tried to keep the peace, I try not to take sides but I cannot reason with him, he picks holes in everything my son does. My son said he hates him now.
He’s ok with our 3 year old but can bit a bit snappy. He expects kids to learn quickly and if they don’t he gets verbally mad.
Well on to me. I can’t do anything or go anywhere without him asking what I’m doing. I had to go with my son to his school for a meeting and I didn’t contact him for 2 hours, he went mental. He told my dad my phone was probably nicked and I’m in a gutter somewhere, no I was simply busy. He knew of the appt!
He gets the ump if I go out in the afternoon when he’s getting up after being on nights. Sometimes this can’t be avoided. He also gets very angry if I don’t hear him speak or miss what he says, he then throws stuff and shouts I won’t effing bother.
His texts are crude and rude but he still sends them, he’s sex mad. Had a few rows over this as he called me frigid a few times when I was too tired or not in the mood. He also thinks it’s my job to pleasure him when I’m on my period. Says why use his hand when he has mine. Also said “it’s always when the woman wants it”. Wakes me up at 5am when I’m from a night shift to DTD. He says I’m the type of woman who would complain their DP has strayed but not happy to put it out.
Tells people all I’m good for at work is to make tea, he thinks it’s funny. Will indirectly put me down but puts me on a pedestal in front of people. Accuses me of most things and all that goes wrong at home. Makes out he does everything which is utter rubbish, he’s bathed our daughter twice in 3.5 years!!!
We had a massive row tonight cos he swears blind my son took a sausage from one of the plates, daughter was behind gate in living room but we have a dog walking about! Doesn’t believe the dog would ever take it. My son swore blind he didn’t take it and sobbed on the floor. I said to DP I wasn’t here to see what happened and it’s only a sausage. Omg he ripped into me, shouting and ranting in my face saying I was calling him an effing liar, threw his chair against the table sending dinner into coffee and all over the table. He then picked up a few important belongings and walked out the house, this was 4 hours ago. He said he’s not returning until my son apologises. Not heard from him. My son is in bits, he very rarely cries and still swears he didn’t take it. DP said he wasn’t coming back.
This kind of thing has happened before and he’ll come home, not talk for days and then make out nothing happened, I feel like I’m going crazy! It’s like Jekyll and Hide.
Can anyone help please I’m at my wits end
Thank you
Xxx