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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How did you know your partner was the one?

1 reply

1MrsRabbit · 06/09/2018 15:05

Sorry in advance for the following brain dump, just struggling a little at the moment.

My ex was emotionally abusive, but I foolishly stuck with him for 8 years before finding out about his affairs and finally gathering the courage to dump him and move on.

That was nearly two years ago and on the surface I am doing really well, I have bought a house, been promoted at work and met someone absolutely lovely in December.

But I am really struggling sometimes with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

For context I am just about to turn 30 and my partner is a couple of years younger than me.

When we first got together everything was great when we were together, but when I was home alone I would get really anxious that history would repeat and that he would cheat on me. I managed to keep these thoughts to myself and rarely get them now.

Things are genuinely great between us, and I can definitely see a future with him, but I get these intrusive thoughts that make me question if I can trust my own judgement?

We have a long haul holiday book for the new year, and have discussed moving in together next summer, with a view to getting married and having children in the next few years.

Thing is I am equally desperate to start a family, and terrified about being hurt again. I swing between being impatient that he hasn’t proposed yet, to horrified with myself that I would tie myself so readily to someone I’ve only known for 9 months!!

I had councelling when the first relationship broke down, but didn’t find it particularly helpful as I tried to minimise. Wondering if CBT might help?

Sorry not really sure what I’m actually asking - just felt I really needed to get this off my chest

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 06/09/2018 16:16

There's no point in hearing stories about how other people knew their DP was "the one" really because it probably won't be relatable to your situation. It sounds like you have massive trust issues and insecurities because of your past relationship still. I don't have much advise other than that really, it's definitely something you need to work on about yourself though otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy about your DP and relationship

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