So I have ( or had, as we seem to be more off than on) been with him for two years next month. He was diagnosed last year but as the months/years have gone on I’m not sure the diagnosis is correct, but that’s another story for another day.
We constantly argue and part of that is because he views everything I do as a pi*s take, he delves into things, doesn’t like what he sees, bottles it up and then lashes out in various ways. If I say anything he doesn’t like or want to discuss I get shouted and sworn at. Im not saying I’m perfect but his reaction to me is beyond unreasonable in most situations. He has friends, he socialises and even though he may get into disagreements with them no matter how terribly they have treated him, he will make it right with them, but I get held to a different standard, i get shouted and screamed at, get told I now have a black mark against my name so can never see me in a positive light, but the friend he will calmly discuss what happened, etc and then they are fine.
I’ve asked why is it when xxx takes the mick you can find a way to forgive and move on? I may simply ask how is your day is and if you are having a bad day I get told I am taking the pi*s because I should be aware the day is going wrong?!?! But his friend can ask and not get yelled at!
The other day we went out, there were some silences in our conversation but I was a bit tired and hungry so a bit moody, but I was talking to him, I was whistling along to a song and apparently that was me taking the mick as My whistling signified I was bored with him?!?! I was simply whistling! So low and behold I got sworn at etc..
I’ve been going through a lot this year with my landlord ( legal issues)!and the father of my son ( reduced child support with no warning by 80% and refuses to see son) he’s seen all this going on so not as if I’ve kept him in the dark, I’ve been focusing on all that, so been a bit quiet as I’m stressed, but apparently I’m taking the pis* because he didn’t cause my stress so he shouldn’t feel anything I may be going through, his friends have also boosted this by saying I’m treating him wrong because no matter what I’m going through I should still be having regular sex with him and be supportive to him etc. Please bear in mind he offers zero emotional support which I expect with an aspie but don’t moan at me when I am trying as best I can to keep it together without any support from anyone.
He constantly tells me what he needs to be happy in the relationship yet when I tell him what I need he says until I change he won’t ( my not fully understanding him or doing what he wants).
he has double standards, he often says he doesn’t like this or that about me, yet he will do the exact same thing and when I point this out or say what you are asking of me is the same of what I ask of you, he dismisses what I say.
The other week we were having sex, suddenly he pushed my off, I asked what was wrong and he initially got grizzly saying he didn’t want to talk about it, anyway after a bit he said I wasn’t doing what he wanted so just thought “sod it” so I asked why didn’t he just say he wanted xxx and then the whole sermon of he won’t outrightly say, he just gives clues and expects me to get it, started I keep saying I’m not a mind reader and sometimes he’s going to have to be specific but once again it was all about me not understanding him, not wanting to understand him, not making any effort..
I feel so devalued and emotionally bruised.he was constantly pointing out my faults and rarely my good. He lives 13!miles away I do not drive but I would often make dinner and bring for him, the current flat he lives in I helped with getting a solicitor involved when no one else bothered to help sort it, when he’s got himself in trouble it’s me he usually calls and I go to assist him.. I’m not saying roll out the red carpet for me but be balanced, don’t just focus on what you think is bad when you know there is also good.. but then again this is the same man that said anything good I have done is now void because of all my negative traits.
I am constantly getting laid into/given a hard time when others That have been nasty to him aren’t. I’ve now taken steps to leave so just need to try to be strong and stay away but I find myself thinking what could I have done different, was I being unreasonable, was I being an inconsiderate and selfish partner.