Deciding to leave. Please help.

[Meganrb]

I’m looking for some advice from someone whose beeen through this with their other half.

Since we had Alex my OH seems to have discovered a whole new level of laziness. Any house chore you have think of I do; bins, dishes, washing, laundry, shopping, cooking ect. I also take care of DS and also work 3 days a week. I have spoken to him numerous times about it and he tries to do more but only if I ask. It’s driving me insane.

This last couple of weeks I’ve started to feel really down because I’m getting to the point now where I’m going to leave. Not just because of this but other things too.

I have a high sex drive... sorry TMI. He does not. He never has but it’s now got to the point where I’ve stopped trying so we DD maybe once a month. So that’s left me feeling unwanted and like I’m disgusting or something.

I also want a second child but he doesn’t. Again we’ve spoken about it but he wants to wait until DS is 2 to decided how he feels about that, which is next June.

So I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. Waiting for him to make these decisions, feeling shit and depressed. I don’t know what to do. He also spends most weekends away at his friends filming as they have a you tube channel and then evenings he usually spends editing or making music.

I’m getting sick of the sight of him now and everything he says pisses me off. For example yesterday I accidentally left the dogs lead in the garden. To which he responded, well can we make a choice to leave the lead in the kitchen from now on. Like I’d done it on purpose. Which wound me up. Everything he now says to me just winds me up.

Anyway I’m just wondering if this is just a phase all couples go through when they’re kids reach 1. Or if my OH is being as much of a dick as I think he is. Please help.

I'm sorry you are going through this it seems like everything has really built up for you.

Have you had a sit down and a serious conversation with him about how unhappy this is all making you?

We’ve had little chats here and there but I guess I’m too scared to tell him how miserable I am because despite everything I do still love him and I feel like that conversation will end up with us breaking up and I don’t know if that’s what I should do because of my DS.

If he loves you, he should be able to take on your concerns and respect your openness to be honest. If he respects you, he will listen to this and make those necessary changes and adjustments to accommodate your happiness. I know this doesn't always happen. If you are scared of breaking up deep down, this might just be something that is fixable and opening up may just save this relationship.

Who knows, maybe there's something going on with him also?

It isn’t a phase. Laziness isn’t a phase, spending his free time away from his family isn’t a phase and I’m fairly sure the lack of sex isn’t a phase either.

I really think you need to sit down and have a completely open and honest conversation about it. If it does result in you breaking up, then at least you tried, and let’s face it, if you carry on like this it’s likely you’ll break up anyway.

But tbh, it sounds like he’s going to have to completely turn his life around. At the moment he’s got a live in family, childminder, cook, cleaner, accountant (the list is endless). He gets all the security and family life from being with you, but loving the life of a single man when he chooses - do you think he’ll give all that up?

Really sounds one you get fuck all from the relationship anyway

He does try but it feels like too little too late and the working away on Saturdays is here to stay for the long term by the looks of it. So fed up of being alone all the time.