In a panic about whether to go ahead with buying a house with DH...help!

[dazedandconfused]

DH has been seeing someone else although has now stopped. We were already having problems before that, and now I feel like I don't want him to lay a finger on me, sleeping in seperate rooms etc.

We have two young children and have been renting a flat whilst all this has been developing. The original plan was always to buy a bigger place together and we decided to carry on with this as we thought it would still be important to have a family home whatever happened between us. However, a flat came up last week and it was really expensive (and v nice too). DH really wanted it and I felt too guilty to voice my doubts. Now that our offer's been accepted though, I'm worried that it's a terrible mistake and I'm missing the opportunity to look at other options (ie seperate places to live) whilst we're still renting.

Could it work to live together but not be together as a couple? It's seeming less likely to me now but would like to hear from anyone who's made this work.

Help! What should I do? Feeling trapped and scared.

If he's cheated on you once, he'll do it again. Get out of the relationship, and start a new life xx

The fact you are asking shows you have serious doubts. This is a huge thing and you mustn't go through it alone. Have you close friends you can talk to? My instinct would be to say no, and get out of this marriage, but only you know if it is worth fighting for. Don't commit to buying a house with him unless you think you will get through this together. x

don't do it.

i had serious doubts about buying somewhere with dp (not to do with him, but had bad experience when v young). we eventually bought a house, had a child and are v happy together but it took me ages. and we lost plenty of money through my delay but tough, i would have left him if he pushed it. your dh is doing man thing of trying to gloss over your problems and you aren't ready.

I wouldn't do it, having a mortgage together is so much extra pressure (esp a big one) and the buying process can be a distraction from underlying problems. He may be leaping into it to make it up to you or to delay confronting the problems. Talk to him!

wait until you're sure about things. call off the offer - happens all the time and then talk about things. a lot.

don't do it at least not yet. i had a friend in similar position who got sutck after exchange in a horrible position with no way out because of breakup. Don't make yourslef vulnerable.

If you aren't sure then I would really think about pulling out. Buying a house is likely to put you both under a lot of pressure, and until you are sure what you want to do, I really wouldn't. I have a friend that did this (no children) and it was the last straw for their relationship which was probably a good thing in the long run, but there are less traumatic (and expensive) ways to get resolution.