Anyone else just find it easier to do everything yourself?

[Celiasausage]

I'm just wanting to vent really.
I've a partner and 2 kids.
4 years ago, I suffered PND and received counselling. My counsellor and I concluded that one of the reasons I was feeling so overwhelmed is because I took on too much at home and wasn't allowing DH to face the consequences of his own sloppiness.
I completely changed my approach as a result and began expecting much more of DH. He now does the washing, cleans, folds clothes away, takes responsibility for planning meals and not just cooking them, he checks planners, signs school forms etc.
However, I am constantly disgruntled at the sloppy way he does things and am tired of asking him to take more care. I've got to a point where I actually think it would be easier to do everything myself although this makes me resent him!

Here are some examples of the.things he does:
-washes up but never cleans the sink afterwards so the plug hole is covered in soggy food and there is stagnant greasy water floating around in the washing up bowl.
-hangs the clothes too close together on the drying rack so they smell damp and have to be washed again.
-sloppily hangs the clothes in wardrobes so that they fall of their hangers or just shoves things at the bottoom of the wardrobe if he can't be bothered to hang them.
-does the grocery shopping but never buys shampoo, toothpaste or soap.
-meal plans but never considers how long things take to cook/what else is going on that evening so we don't have time to cook the things he plans.

What really annoys me is that he says things like "I think I do more around the house now than you do." Although I'm forever rectifying his mistakes and finishing his unfinished jobs! He thinks he's a wonderful partner who in his words "does more around the house than any other bloke" he knows.
Hes also extremely messy and I am often having to tidy up; it's as if he genuinely doesn't realise this or see his own mess. His time management is also terrible and he's often late, so although he gets DC dressed for school I have to give regular updates on the time and get him up in the mornings. He doesn't see how much I still do ensuring that he's doing things properly.
I work part-time, he works full-time.
I think he's a bit delusional.
I've been thinking that it may just be easier for me to do everything myself from now on as I'm fed up of managing him and finishing off his unfinished jobs.

Just venting really.

What does he do when you point out the unfinished jobs? E.g. the horrid sink.

"Hey notice you didn't finish cleaning the sink, can you sort it please"

This sort of thing was the beginning of the end of my marriage, when I chose to do it all myself I became resentful. Once he’d gone I was still doing it all myself but minus the resentment and his mess which I find far preferable.

He does sound like he does a lot more than most men I know, he just doesn't do it well. It's the same with teenagers. Remember these are your standards, not his, and they never will be. You either accept getting half the help you want and that's it's better than none, or you do everything yourself. He sounds like he is trying. Maybe instead of moaning, you could be thanking him for his attempts. That's what you wanted was it not? I'm sure you'd like it if he thanked you. Which he should by the way. Maybe changing the culture in your family to one of gratitude and not competition would do you all good.

By the way I was the same @tsonlyme but my ex made no attempt to listen and then come to meet me. Her DP has.

He's just incredibly lazy. The clothes thing for example, once you learn if they aren't aired properly, they stink, usually stops people doing the same thing again.

I could not be with a man so lazy that he pretends he doesn't know his laziness just causes more work for you.

It shows lack of respect for you as well.

I would be too annoyed to have a relationship with someone like this. I'd just grow resentful and want to leave.

In his head he's doing his share. He can mentally tick everything off.

In reality he's doing the bare minimum, but you can't say anything because at least he's doing it right?

If I were you OP I'd keep a secret stash of soap/toothpaste (just for you) that he doesn't know about & when he asks where's the toothpaste you can point out to him it was on the shopping list. Re-hang your clothes but not his. He can wear damp/musty smelling clothes.

Let him experience the consequences of being slapdash. Don't facilitate by rectifying his mistakes. That's what he's relying on. Don't start doing everything yourself as that is probably what he wants to happen so that he can get out of 'helping out'.

Sounds like you're doing the bulk of the 'emotional labour', OP - the thinking, planning, management, quality control. I find that far more stressful than the actual doing of tasks, which is basically just checking off a to do list.