My head is fried

[Sweetmummy77]

I was in the early stages of a relationship things going great. This week he has turned and acted very badly. I confronted his today and seemed really stressed out. I asked him straight if he was interested, I never got a straight answer and was told he had only just become happy. He also said he was also starting to become anxious. I walked away and haven't spoken to him since.

I'm going to walk away as it has burnt me out.

Walking away from a new relationship that fries your head now is the most sensible decision I've heard on mn in a long time! You rock. Short term fried is better than long term fried with no self esteem left and second guessing everything!

Thank you, I was feeling very low and as if it was me. Last week was all lovely dover now this. He has a reputation for being moody but it is draining me. It was left that we would talk but I can't deal with it any more. He may have anxiety issued maybe not but he still can be decent.

Does he have good reason to change his mood OP?

New relationships don’t usually have that kind of behaviour/reaction?

In my experience, these men get worse. They’ll show you snippets of poor behaviour and stretch it each time - because it generally repeats.

He may well be anxious, plenty of anxious people know how to convey that appropriately.

I hope you can get some headspace back and embark on new adventures with someone less demanding.

A few people have mentioned to me he is really moody. I had a chat with a mutual friend who suspects he may have anxiety issues. This guy has gone from being very into me to this in a week! With others he gives the image of being a cheeky chap however he has told me on many occasions I make him shy. However it was the comment of he's only just become happy again that was odd.

He's up, he's down. Your confused. He's already drawing you in to somehow take responsibility for his moods: I've only just become happy, you make me shy etc . You are not responsible for his moods or ensuring he stays happy! His anxiety is something he needs to deal with and he is not ready to be in a relationship if his anxiety cause him to mood swing so dramatically in such a short time frame. Don't listen to him or mutual friends who armchair diagnosis, that should only be done by a doctor!

Walk away while you still have the energy. It won't get any better, unless HE learns to deal with and manage HIS issues, but you will be more and more drained. Clock it up as a learning experience and move on.

Omg i had to comment....this may be a little long so i apologise.
I found an old diary this week, a diary that i started when i was online dating a few years back (i had an idea i might try and write a funny book about 1st dates, i digress)
The diary continued right through to about month 5 of a relationship.
A relationship that turned out to be the shortest one of my life (just 2 years) but one that had the most impact. I ended up in therapy for 7 months, as it turned violent when i tried to end it.
We lived together and he was so moody, walking on eggshells moody. Once he moved in he became controlling, manipulative and agressive., he was literally the nightmare i could not get rid of. The moods were ridiculous and he always blamed stress, usually stress that i or work had caused.. I was v ill after we ended, i was exhausted of the warfare.
I started reading the diary and the detail was intense. I had documented everything. What shocked me is that the shit started alot sooner than i remembered. The things i was feeling, frustration and confusion at what i was living through but trying to rationalise, it was all down in black and white.
By month 3 it had already became the normal. Shortly after i had began to let it effect every part of my life and blame myself.
This all may sound dramatic but i was a little shocked by what i had written. It was like watching a film back of it happening. So i guess what im saying is as i read it back i so wished i realised then what i have painfully learned since. That if its that difficult in the begining it just isnt right.
That as soon as someone elses bad personality starts affecting your personality in such an unhealthy way, well thats the time to walk.
There is not a human alive worth walking on eggshells for and finally well bloody done for realising now that you deserve better.

he has told me on many occasions I make him shy

Not a good sign that you're already being blamed for the way he interacts with people. Walk away now while you haven't invested a lot in this.

I am really taken a back by everyone's comments and they are really striking a massive chord with me. I am normally a very happy go lucky confident person. I have a nice little life and work really hard. I have not been me the last few weeks and this week I have felt a shadow of my former self. I had tried talking but was always told it wasn't a good time. I know he has had a tough time but the impact in me is showing to the point I find myself starting to well up. I have kept myself to myself and almost been on edge. I am definitely walking away as I hate the way in such a short space I have started to feel. People are also worried that I have started to almost hide myself away. Even his friends have not liked the way he has treated me.

One person has even used the phrase emotional abuse which scared me.

I know this type too well.

As poster above has pointed out, it’s not uncommon that these men are actually just plain abusive.

As mentioned above - all about his feelings and how you make him feel. Shy. Anxious.

This is a newish relationship. He is not behaving normally. The ‘we’ll discuss it later’ is doubtless him insisting you have to wait for him to be ready - and then he’ll pretend it didn’t happen. He’ll be lovey dovey and into you again so you think it was a blip. And next time he does similar, it will be worse and you’ll be left even more confused.

His friends know and don’t like how he’s treated you but they also know he won’t change. They’ve probably seen many girlfriends try. I’ve had 3 significant relationships like this and they’re hell. I want better for me. You know you deserve better for you.

We can all be moody. His reasons will not be justifiable. Spare yourself the misery and find yourself a lovely happy go lucky man to match you. This will get darker and never better.

I agree this is not normal behaviour at all. I am of the belief if I have concerns then we should have been able to chat. I was made to feel as if I was being needy and it made him feel scared. All I wanted was a little clarification.

He also had a habit of becoming jealous when I talked to other men. This would include his friends who he was even rude to. All these little things are starting to paint a very big picture. I was right to feel stressed that something wasn't right. I suspect it could have become a very dark situation for me.

He may well have anxiety, stress etc. Quite common and nobody would be unsympathetic. But if they are impacting a new relationship to the point that you are confused and exhausted then he is NOT ready for a relationship.

And that's the best case scenario. The worst is that he's an abusive, manipulative, nasty man. Runnnn!

Cross post as it took me ages to write that. The jealousy is an even bigger red flag for abuse. Thankfully you spotted it quickly.

Oh blimey!

No. Please do close the door on him and find yourself someone worthy.

Embrace that good life you know you’ve made for yourself and share it with a person who appreciates that joy and embraces the positivity you doubtless bring when not being wrong-footed.

Some men love dragging women down and I’ll never understand it. What pleasure do they get by behaving like arses and making a lovely person feel crap?

It’s hard I know. The promise of a lovely new relationship is gorgeous - but here he’s clearly shown you very early on his piss poor moods and how he’d very much like to drag you down.

He needs to get a grip and stay away from relationships until he can take responsibility for his moods. He sounds awful. Imagine this 6 months down the line.

Head up girl. Move on. Say hi if you pass him in the street if you must but you definitely deserve someone who’ll talk to you. And actually, the throws of new love lifts many a mood and makes us blind! Why is this so negative so soon? And suddenly?

You’re staring straight at what he is, and what he’s offering. And it’s all wrong.

Get shut OP and make an effort to move on quickly. Imagine a lovely person laughing with you and being even tempered. Someone who appreciates all your good stuff. Leave him as a brief experience in the rear view and don’t get embroiled in his shitty levels of unnecessary dark.

Thank you everyone what you have said. It really had rung very true in my ears.

I have woke up this morning feeling I need to take my life and control back. Someone who has acted the way he has does not deserve me at all. I was until now thinking it was my loss however it really is his. If I had meant anything to him and had real issues he would have been upfront and sorted himself out before getting together with me. I suspect however this was more likely his personality and not a particularly pleasant side. People had always been surprised with what I described about his personality. I originally saw it as he was opening up, more likely he manipulating me. I am shocked at myself that I allowed him to change me so quickly but that stops today. Today I will be getting me back. I won't be seeing him until middle of next week at a get together. If he calls I won't be answering.
I'm not on the look out for anyone, I never actually was. I have a promising career ahead of me, I have a good group of friends, I get compliments from many people and I also have you lovely peeps who have guided me. I'm truly the lucky one. He one the other hand has made an arse of himself when he was unpleasant about me. Is renowned for being very moody, hasn't got much to show for himself and has lost his chance with someone who really cared.
It won't happen overnight but I have been spared a lot of misery.

Well done OP. I ignore massive signs with an ex and had to spend a looooong time repairing the damage. Being alone is so much better than being hurt!

So far so good, been busy with work. Not given myself the time to think. No messages from or to so calm.