Okay this might be a long one.
I met my ExP when i was 16 and really thought i was in love.... we were together 7 years. but now looking back in hindsight the relationship was a joke. was completly one sided, all on his terms, he would pick me up and drop me when suited, would only ever call when he wanted sex or company. dont get me wrong he was never mean, nasty, cruel, we always had a laugh and i was always besotted by him and he would whisper reassurances in my ears in bed but never would "fully commit" (even though back then i would have fought anyone to the death that said otherwise) he would go on lads wekeends away and i wouldnt hear from him, nights out and all i would do is sit at home and be jelous that he wasnt out with me.
Even speaking about it makes me angry at how long i stuck around catering to his every need when its clear now he never gave a fuck about me. lol but aat 16 years old i was nieve, blindsighted, rose tinted glasses, whatever! i honestly thought i loved him, he said jump i said how high, i would have done anything for him. he never treated me special or went on dates. -- like i said a joke. a joke that lasted 7 years
It all finished one day out the blue he said he had met someone and that was it. done finito. Like i never exsisted. at 23 i was obviously devestated. i felt cheated that i had missed out on 7 years of my life and it took me a long time to get over it as i questioned myself, was i not good enough, was it me? am i not pretty enugh etc etc.
anyway fast forward 4 years, i done a lot of growing up and settled down and met someone who for the first time in my life really loved me. we have been together 4 years, have a house together, both have good careers and are due to get married. he adores me in every way, makes me feel special, makes me feel loved and has built up all those walls that the ex brought down. He made me realise all the things my ex should have been doing all those years ago. i am totally in love with him in every way and am generally happy with my life and havent thought about the ex in years
HOWEVER recently i seen through mutual friend on Facebook that the ex got married - to the girl he "left" me for and i felt phyically sick. i cant explain it. It was a burning jealous rage feeling. why? I have no idea. i honestly couldnt sleep after it and then i felt horribly guilty at feeling like this.
ive had several dreams about the ex nothing in particular, just that hes present in them. then i wake up and look at my life and i feel so horrible that i am jealous that a peice of shit ex from my childhood. I How can he STILLl has this hold over me?
can anyone relate? or am i losing it?