Hoping for some advice and perspective. Bit of a long story but i don't want to drip feed.
To avoid confusion, I’m a male and DP is female
DP and I have been together for 13 years and have two DC. We separated at the beginning of the year but decided to give things a second chance and everything has been fine since, or so I thought. I moved out of the family abode but spend most of my time there, mornings before school, evenings before bed and sleep there most weekends.
Recently I became suspicious of her and started snooping (WRONG OF ME I know but I had good reason- finding pregnancy tests was the alarm bell since I had a vasectomy years ago)
This past Saturday something she did made me more suspicious, so I did some more snooping- 3 condoms she had next to her bed turned into 2 over night. Her phone is connected to a tablet in the house, so I was able to look at her google maps timeline. This confirmed that she was not where she said she was on Saturday and turn out she was at an address I have no idea about, but she has been there over 25 times. It gets even better as a lot of the time she has been there is early hours if the morning when the kids and I where away- Talking between 23:00 and 03:00 usually for at least 2 hours a time. Even a day where she dropped the kids at school and went there for the whole day instead of work. This has been going on for at least 18 months as far as I can tell.
Then looked at the photos on the tablet (google connects the two), nothing untoward in the actual photos but then I looked in the bin. Nude selfies of her and of some guy I don’t know , but after more snooping turn out they are friends on Facebook and used to work together. I took Screen shots of all this thinking surely this is enough proof.
Last night after the kids went to sleep I confronted her.
Told her I know she has been going to this address a lot. She straight away said it was her female friend. I pressed saying she goes there late at night and never told me about the visits. Still she pleaded ignorance. Finally had to show her the pictures I found. She still denies anything happened between her and this guy, who now finally does live at this address.
Missing condom? She took it with her but decided not to have sex and left it there? She had decided after Saturday that she was not going to be involved with this person anymore and that she loves me and only wants to be with me. Fair enough I say and ask to see any form of messages she has sent him confirming this. Won’t let me near her phone, not even to see when last she messaged him!
So after all that I am to believe that she has been visiting a guy in the dead of the night for hours at a time taking condoms with her, sending him nude pictures but not having sex with him!
And actually I want to believe her, I still love her. But can we ever move forward? How can we ever trust each there again?
On a side note she thinks I was completely unreasonable for snooping and invading her privacy, surely it was justifiable?