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Relationships

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Original poster

Ghosting! Why?

50 replies

GhostsAndGhouls · 04/09/2018 22:47

Hi there,

NC for this, hopefully!

I have been dating a guy for a couple of months, things were going well but I decided to take things slowly. We met regularly and seemed to get on well and enjoy each other's company.

About a month in he didn't reply to my text message for a day or so, he eventually replied and said he had issues with his phone (I believed this, I saw him that day and his phone was switching off when fully charged) He said he almost came to mine to explain he wasn't ignoring me but didn't want to be full on. Absolutely fine. I did make a joke that I'd deleted him as I thought he was ghosting me (a few months ago I got out of a relationship where my ex would regularly ignore me for days, despite living together, so i automatically thought the worst) and he said how can I think so little of him, he would never do that etc. I said I appreciated honesty, as ghosting always makes the ghostee internalise everything.

We continued seeing each other and were quite comfortable with one another, I made myself drinks in his home, dropped him off at work, he cooked for me etc. I saw him the morning before I went away with my friend and when I came home I suggested meeting up, he assured me he would have asked me to meet hours ago if he was free but he had plans. All fine, we chatted and a few days later he asked me if I was free. I was working and told him I'd plan something later in the week.

Since then, I haven't heard from him. It must have been a week or so now. I haven't contacted him again and I won't, I'm not fussed about him.

I just wonder why people think this is appropriate when there are no bad feelings on either side? He had no reason to think I would say anything other than, "No problem! Thanks for letting me know." If he had sent a simple text. I know it's a reflection of him and not me, I just find it rude and it could lead to me questioning if I did or said something wrong, which I know I didn't.

Does anyone have any answers?! For curiosity sake.

OP posts:

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 05/09/2018 22:50

Maybe, that's a possibility I guess, but he asked to meet up the day he didn't reply. It hasn't been long so he obviously wouldn't have been bothered much, but everything seemed to be going well and smoothly.

I will never know. :)

OP posts:

keepingbees · 05/09/2018 23:13

Possibly online dating and had others on the go, or met someone else?

PurpleCurtains · 05/09/2018 23:16

It sounds like you have unintentionally ghosted him as much as he has you

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 06/09/2018 12:23

Probably has met someone else, he seemed lovely so its very possible!

Ah, you're all making me doubt myself now haha. We carried on talking after I mentioned we would make plans later in the week. Maybe I will text him, WhatsApp seems too familiar haha, he hasn't blocked me.

OP posts:

keepingbees · 06/09/2018 13:23

If he is seeing someone else he's really not lovely if he's not officially ended it with you.
I'd just send a casual text asking if he's ok

Horsesforcourses23 · 06/09/2018 20:43

I was ghosted a few months ago! It's awful and such an incredibly cruel thing to do! Honestly I think it's a cowards way out! J kinda get it if maybe one or two dates, you don't know them or neither party is feeling it but after a few months you should get something! Honestly I think it's just a very mean thing to do!

TooOldForThis67 · 06/09/2018 21:36

Just adding my opinion. You went away for a couple of days and said you'd arrange something when you got back. You then messaged for most of the day but never mentioned meeting again. He probably thought, she obviously doesn't want to meet as why else have general chat and not mention it. It is quite possible that men over think these scenarios just as much as us women, lol.
I'd send one last message along the lines of 'hey, you ok?' Keep it short and sweet and if he doesn't respond then you have your answer.

datingdisaster41 · 06/09/2018 21:54

Yes, I agree with TooOld, go on, send one casual text and you will know either way?

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 06/09/2018 22:23

Well, I texted him. I sent a jokey message from my dog to his dog asking if we can sponsor him for this sponsored silence Very daft, I know.

He replied and said I'm sorry for being a dick, feel free to come round and slap me. He said he's weird and didn't message anyone for 2 weeks and it's absolutely nothing to do with me, he is sorry for not messaging me back when I did nothing wrong. I obviously don't buy that and just said no problem, just wanted to know. He then continued the conversation and asked if I wanted to come round to his, I said no as it would be too awkward now. He asked why etc and said just pretend you went away and didn't take your phone. I said well you only have yourself to blame! He said for what? I said... for disappearing... He hasn't replied since, this was a good few hours ago now!

Anyway... I have deleted and will forget. There was no reason, clearly, I'm just glad he wasn't waiting for me to make plans!

OP posts:

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 06/09/2018 22:24

It doesn't matter to me if he was/is seeing someone else, we weren't exclusive and I knew he was still on tinder as saw the app on his phone.

OP posts:

keepingbees · 06/09/2018 22:46

How odd. I think you've done the right thing, he sounds like a game player

datingdisaster41 · 06/09/2018 22:47

Good for you, you can clear it from your mind now and move on. He sounds a bit 'complicated' now anyway with the not texting anyone for two weeks stuff! Good luck with future dating.

winegal · 07/09/2018 04:18

If he's ghosted you because you didn't have sex with him, you've definitely had a lucky escape!

I agree it's so rude and I can't believe it still happens. Anyway, onwards and upwards OP!

Junglefowl · 07/09/2018 04:40

I don’t think I’d necessarily have been sensitive to him not texting as agree with the poster who said sounds like you have unintentionally ghosted him as much. His reaction also suggests this if he can’t understand why you won’t see him and he perhaps didn’t mean anything by it.
I reckon he’s just not that thoughtful though as he could have responded better when you did suggest you need more contact.

Monty27 · 07/09/2018 04:54

He sounds like hard work OP. And certainly not worth it. Block. End of.

OliveBranchManager · 07/09/2018 06:21

I think you handled it well op. I cant believe he thought yiu'd go over after he ignored you for days!!

Funicorn · 07/09/2018 06:23

She has gone off him .

She said I'm not fussed about him Maybe he detected that ?

Funicorn · 07/09/2018 06:25

Just seen update - why go to all this other then and have a go at someone that are not that fussed about ?

Somersetlady · 07/09/2018 06:38

Could he be just rubbish messaging on the phone? I hate mine it goes down when i get home from work and i dont pick it up until i head to work the next morning.
I regularly dont read whatsap messages sent as dont log into it and dont have notifications set up and have friends chase me on not replying to messages.
I like my own company doing my own thing and not being interrupted. It’s a problem in 2018 is the way everyone expects you to be so immediately accessible.
I just prefer to call and if someone texts and i need to make an arrangement etc will just pick up the phone and ring.

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 07/09/2018 08:17

Wow, I definitely did not have a go at him. We were texting jokingly when he was trying to get me to go to his, I then jokingly said it's your fault anyway and he seemingly got offended by that and asked what he was to blame for. I sent back umm disappearing? Definitely not having a go!

When I say I'm not fussed I mean, I had the potential to be fussed, I liked him and thought we shared some intimate moments but it was still such early days that I didn't give it/him 'my all' I was just enjoying getting to know him and going on dates.

He says he's not a great texter, but he could have rang me and we spent a few months texting etc while meeting up.

Anyway, thank you! I have deleted and have pretty much already forgotten him already

OP posts:

stevesmithsmum · 07/09/2018 10:52

Wow. The trials and tribulations of modern dating!

It seems to me that you kinda ghosted each other. It also seems to me that although you contacted him again in the jokey way, it was clear you weren’t after a reconciliation, but he tried to hold out an olive branch of sorts.he made a lame excuse for not contacting you and showed he was keen to meet.

Finally you said i have deleted and have pretty much already forgotten him already, so it makes me wonder why you even bothered contacting him again. It appears he was set up for rejection/failure. I just don’t get it. If you have pretty much forgotten him, why even bother? He was never going to recover the situation. It seems like you just rubbed his nose in some dog shit.

Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for OP.

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 07/09/2018 12:16

Wow, I feel you must have misinterpreted my intention and the thread massively if that's what your interpretation was!

If he'd have said look, I'm genuinely sorry, how about we plan something for Saturday? Rightly or wrongly, I would have met him (and probably been in this situation again in a few weeks...) because we do get on. Instead, he asked me to go round to his that night (I was already out) and then when I challenged him he got defensive and didn't reply - the conversation up to that point was us having a laugh.

He could have recovered the situation quite easily by being honest.

Thanks. :)

OP posts:

Djnoun · 07/09/2018 14:11

Do you not think that you could have equally revived the situation by not being snippy?

Lougle · 07/09/2018 14:23

I think you've blown this out of proportion and that he could well have been waiting on you to arrange something and it's you who have gone quiet . It's bizarre that you would delete someone who has apologised for going quiet and then been keen to resume contact.

Original poster

GhostsAndGhouls · 07/09/2018 15:21

I wasn't snippy haha!
He also didn't say the words "Sorry" He just alluded to this.

He wasn't waiting for me to make contact, he said "he didn't message back and i did nothing wrong."

When I get home I will add screenshots. I most definitely didn't act rude in anyway! Blown out of proportion, quite possibly.

OP posts:

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