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Relationships

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Original poster

Why did he lie?

24 replies

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 15:11

Been dating a guy for six months. He appears to be very interested as am I to take the relationship to the next level, i.e moving in together. We’ve met each other’s family and friends and everything seemed to be going really well.

Except that I got a fb message from a woman claiming to be his ex. She asked me if I was aware that they were still sleeping together when we met.

I was not aware of this, in fact one of the first things we talked about on our second date was where we were with previous relationships. He said that he’d split up about a year ago with his ex who he’d been with for about 8 months.

So I told him about this fb message and he looked crestfallen and admitted that after they split, they had slept together twice. The last time being a week before he met me. I asked him why he hadn’t told me this before and he said that he hadn’t wanted to worry me, that everything was going so well and that he thought by telling me he’d recently slept with his ex that I might get the wrong impression. He said that as soon as he met me, he knew I was the one. And he didn’t want anything to jeopardise that.

I didn’t reply to this fb message although I’m dying to ask her a load of questions. But I think it would give her a power that I don’t want to.

I asked his sister about her and she confirmed that Mark had definitely ended the relationship when he said he had but that they had bumped into her and a group of mutual friends a week before he and I met which is when he slept with her again.

I really want to believe him when he says he only didn’t mention he slept with her so soon before we met in case it put me off. But there's part of me that thinks it’s such a stupid lie, I mean it was before we even met! Why didn’t he think he could be honest with me? I have been completely honest with him about everything.

WWYD? Write it off as a one off? Or be worried that there will be other things he is/will conceal?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2018 15:14

End it because you can't trust him again now

Hideandgo · 04/09/2018 15:15

Actually it’s none of your business who he slept with a week before you met, ex or one night stand. I know he said he’d broken up with 8 a year earlier but did he really lie or just keep recent sexual activity private which is his right. You may not like it but I’m not sure that he really had any need to tell you and it was nasty of her to try and wreak his new relationship.

Unless of course he is lying and she is telling the truth about sleeping with him after he met you. Did you ask her the date they last slept together?

MrsJackman10 · 04/09/2018 15:17

Not sure you realise but you have put his name in the op??

I would probably believe it was a one off lie of everything else had been fine in the relationship. It is a shame he felt the need to lie though as it has tarnished your trust in him.

I would let him know you expect honesty and that you are upset, but perhaps give him the chance to earn your trust back.

Is everything else in the relationship ok?

combatbarbie · 04/09/2018 15:17

To be fair if you had posted After the 2nd date saying we spoke about previous relationships and he said he'd slept with his ex the week before you'd be getting told to run for the hills....so I think his reasoning is fair and justified

Personally I'd just let it go....and possibly reply to ex yes I knew....good job he met me the following week she's trying to shit stir

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 15:21

Hideandgo

She didn’t say that they were still sleeping together after we got together, just asked whether I was aware that they were still sleeping together when we met.

He is absolutely firm that the last time was a week before we met. And has even said that if I wanted to ask her I should, or that he’d speak to her and ask her to make that clear.

Also, she lives in Ireland (we are in the U.K.) so very unlikely she was here at the time we met anyway

OP posts:

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 15:24

So it’s not that I’m questioning his version of events, just upset that he lied about it

OP posts:

PinkHeart5914 · 04/09/2018 15:25

Whatever he did or didn’t do before you met isn’t really any of your business is it? You weren’t a couple!

On a 2nd date you spoke about previous relationships was he really mean to say after we split she still bounced on my cock a couple of times. His not the last and certainly won’t be the last to shag an ex

Would I end it absolutely not, he shagged someone before he met you so 🤷🏻‍♀️ There isn’t a problem here that I can see

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 15:26

That’s true @combatbarbie
And I think you’re right. She is shit stirring. She definitely wants him back.

OP posts:

Hideandgo · 04/09/2018 15:27

Ah in that case my advice stands. That actually his random shags (even with an ex) before you met are not things he has to tell you. It’s vety common to split up with someone (a year ago as he probably truthfully said) and then have an odd bootie call that is not ‘a relationship’ occasionally after.

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 15:28

True

OP posts:

Musti · 04/09/2018 15:28

He didn't lie and if he had said he slept with her a week ago, you may have thought he wasn't over her. Non issue in my opinion, it was before he met you.

HollowTalk · 04/09/2018 15:30

Maybe she thought she'd be seeing him again and was waiting for him to get in touch, so in her head you came along in the middle of their relationship?

Pinkandproud · 04/09/2018 15:32

I think none of your business to be honest, I certainly wouldn’t feel obliged to tell a first/second/third date who I had slept with recently!!

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2018 15:56

Why didn’t he think he could be honest with me?
Why would he think that?
For me, if someone I was just starting to date had told me that, I would assume he was still hung up on his Ex and would not want to get involved.
So I can understand why he didn't tell you if he really isn't!

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 16:00

Ok, this is all really reassuring and sort of what I’m inclined to think too.

OP posts:

MMmomDD · 04/09/2018 16:08

OP - all of this aside - 6mo is a bit early to be so full on a moving in, etc. You are still in the honemoon stage of the relationship. Is there a reason this needs to be rushed?

Also - unless you are all in a small place, or his FB is plastered with your pictures, etc - how does she know who you are????

Original poster

PrettyInPJs · 04/09/2018 16:10

Yes, it is early. But we’re both in our 40s and don’t want to waste any tine. You just know when you meet someone special.

There are a couple of photos we tagged each other in and it wouldn’t take a genius to work out were a couple!

OP posts:

Sallygoroundthemoon · 04/09/2018 16:18

Not a lie and a non issue. I slept with an ex a week after I met my last boyfriend and it would not have occurred to me to tell him - none of his business at that stage of dating and I think it would have put him off if I had.

ItsABlusteryDay · 04/09/2018 16:22

An omission is not the same as a lie. I wouldn't have told you either.

RatRolyPoly · 04/09/2018 16:22

Yeah, let this one thing go. But don't move in with someone after 6 months. No matter what stage you're at in life.

dirtybadger · 04/09/2018 16:25

I wouldn't be bothered someone was sleeping with someone else shortly before me. Or even shortly after! Unless you had told each other at the point he slept with her that you were an exclusive item then it ain't anyone's business what he was upto.

If you had known it was an ex at the time it would have been good judgment to end it because there was a chance he wasn't over her. But it's been 6 months, things are going well (?) So luckily that doesn't seem to be an issue

dirtybadger · 04/09/2018 16:26

Although hell to the no to moving in after 6 months. Although you might have just meant you've been discussing it not planning in, which is different. Good luck

Drainage · 04/09/2018 16:28

My first thoughts were "don't move in together!" If it's going so well just take your time. No rush. As for the lie.... If it was something from before I'd even met someone.. meh. As long as everything else was fine.

mrskbabymama · 04/09/2018 16:37

I would honestly let it go.

and poor show to the ex for even contacting you. If he didnt sleep with her when he was with you then what is it she is trying to acheive?

And i agree with an above post where if he had told you that he had recently slept with his ex when you met you would have run for the hills... i knew i would.

Some girls are just nuts. Like there is no reason for her to contact her. And defo dont contact her to ask all the questions i know are burning through you. block her. dont let her have the satisfaction!

and im talking from experience of crazy ex's, my now fiances ex contacted him via private message on FB when we had been together about 7months to say she had seen he was with someone and she was happy for him. and then in the next message sent a topless photo of her saying do u miss this. LOOOOLLLL bye Hun.

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