I think i'm inlove with one of my best friends

[oopsydaisy87]

I met him 6 years ago on the first day of uni, we have been in the same friendship group since.

I was in a relationship during uni so never looked at him like that. He always said he fancied girls that looked nothing like me.

I became single the summer after our graduation and he was there for me. I still lived in our uni city and he went back to his hometown.

I got drunk one night and started thinking I fancied him, realised I think I always did. He messaged me after I uploaded a picture and then suddenly I told him but said to forget it and I made it sound like it was all in the past, a silly little crush. We haven’t spoke about it to this day but we speak every week and there’s some flirting there which wasn’t before I told him. And he always comments on what I look like and asking if I’m dating etc.

The other day he told me he had been dating someone and my heart kind of sunk. Now he said they’ve just decided to be friends and I was kind of relieved.

Anyone been in this situation and didn’t ruin their friendship? Should I tell him again? Or just realise that he hasn’t ever said anything so maybe he’s not into me?

TELL HIM!

A lot of guys have feelings for their close female friends but often say nothing because they are convinced it will ruin the friendship and they'd rather have that than lose it.

I have a female best friend. She'd known this guy, Matt, for years but wasn't single. They were good friends. She broke up with her then boyfriend and four months later Matt asked her out. They'd been out before but he made it clear he was talking "date". She said no politely but away from there lost it completely. Rang me up saying "he's ruined everything, I can't see him ever again". I said that it must have taken a lot of courage to ask her out but she was really angry about it. Cut him off then and there. I've known other women do that but never known a man do that if the shoe is on the other foot (they may distance themselves a little - which is often sensible until the other party feels OK about it).

I'm a man with female friends. I would never ask one of them out if I had feelings for one of them. UNLESS they had made it abundantly clear in the first place.

You should tell him.

Your feelings aren't just going to go away if you ignore them. Tell him. If he doesn't feel the same way, and he is your friend, he will be honest and tell you and you can begin to move on.

If he does feel the same way then...... watch this space.

@ShatnersWig, I don't think your friend is representative of women at all. I think what she did to Matt was horrible. I, nor any one of my female friends would ever behave that way.

@GreenMeerkat Sadly, I've seen it several times with different women. It's like they feel betrayed and that perhaps all the time the friend was waiting in the wings and that the friendship was based on a hope of something more and they'd behaved in a way to try and make something happen, rather than just genuine friendship that changed over time (which I have also seen; people who had no interest in each other for years and years all of a sudden something just clicks).

Thanks @ShatnersWig, definitely helpful to have a male perspective. I do have to say i've never had a friend respond that way when a guy would like to leave the 'friendzone' and i certainly wouldn't.

@GreenMeerkat that is true, thank you. I know if it was the other way around and i didnt feel anything then i wouldn't let it ruin our friendship and we're very open and honest about things (obviously apart from this!) so i don't think he's the type to turn horrible or anything.