please help

[JJ]

Hi! This a note from Charlize on a different thread. I think I have her permission to post it here and was hoping that more people will see this ...

(the following is by Charlize... there are two posts in reverse chronological order)

Reading that back I prob sound a bit silly over some pics.
He has never been violent to be although he has squared up to me and pushed me a bit. Sometimes I wish he would hit me at least then he might be sorry.
I would love to know what it is like to be in love and have an equal loving relationship with some one. God I don't even care about the in love bit just a partner in life who was also a friend.
I promise myself at my lowest moments that when the kids are grown up i will leave him and one day even if its when iam 60 i will meet a man who cares and even if we have no money and live in a shed i will be free and happy.



By charlize on Friday, 20 August, 2004 8:24:03 PM

Thanks jj anfd fabarooney.Its the first time I've been able to tell anyone how I feel. My sister knows the situation with dh and is there for me but she has her own life to live .
Iam extremely envious of my friends. They envy the monet they think i have(although dh doesnt actually give mr that much) But I envy their close and loving relationships with their partners. the fact they share bringing up the children and all share their lives.
They really do not know how lucky they are.
The truth is I have never known love. I have been with dh since I was 15 and had ds at 17 during my a levels. He went to uni I didn't.
I have never worked whilst he forged ahead in his carrer and thinks iam an uneducated idiot.
He constanly corrects the way i talk to the children and he hates my accent. He is a control freak of the highest order whose socks even have to be a certain way in his drawer. {put there by me of course]
At weekends I lay low and try not to talk to him to much for fear of starting him off . althoufh to be honest he spends most of the weekend with ds on x box or at football.
Again i sit in front of the tv at night at the weekend. By myself.
Now and again he will start to hug me but this means he wants sex, so I comply and then he might be normal for half an hour or so till I do something wrong and he will shout me down again.

Earlier in the week I decided to get out all my old photos whist dd was in bed. It got me away from the tv and it was lovely looking at cute baby pics of ds and dd that I haven't got round to putting in frames. I decided it would be lovely if I made a montage of the phtos and I know a local shop that could make the freame.
I spent 2 hrs sorting and choosing pics and it lifted my spirits a bit.
This led me to stupidly think that dh was a normal person and I excidedly tod him what i had been doing during a stilted phoecall from him where he was barking some order at me.
He told me in no uncertain terms that I was Not to do this silly montage and I stupid f**cking idiot for thinking of it. He gave no reason his word is final i tried to ask why but was told if I didn't like it I could F8ck off.
I came off the phone and cried and cried.

[Mum2girls]

Charlize - you sound just so so sad, I think however hard you try to protect them, your kids must be picking stuff up. Hope you find a way out of your unhappiness and away from that monster, for them and you.

[hatter]

Hi again,

I can't do links so have cut and pasted some stuff for you

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ - they give free legal advice including on divorce etc

www.womensaid.org.uk/ - they work on domestic violence, including running helplines - it specifically says that they work on issues surrounding verbal/emotional abuse

If you need it both these sites give you advice on how to make sure no-one can tell that you've visited them

xxx

[charlize]

Thanks for that link hatter and thanks to all you ladies. Your messages do really mean a lot to me and its nice to have the support here if I need it.
Iam supposed to be starting a beauty course in late september , doing facials reflexology etc.
Its a massive step for me and I hope I don't chicken out as I literally havent worked for 13 yrs. Its tempting to hide away at home and carry on but i know that I have to take some steps in the right direction towards getting a life really. Today Iam not feeling too bad so Iam looking forward to the course but some days I feel so down I lose all confidence and don't want to do it.
In dhs academic world this course is a bit silly and can't amount to much. But I try not to listen as i think i could enjoy it and hopefully eventually work either freelance or in a salon.
Thanks again everyone.

[tammybear]

good for you charlize. the rights of women website hatter gave you is very useful. Ive used it before, and theres an advice line that you can ring if you need to speak to someone. Or theres parentline plus which is open 24/7. The number's 0808 800 2222, and they're really great. I spoke to a woman who just listened to me moaning about my exp, rather than actually giving me advice, and it made me feel better knowing that I can actually speak to someone. good luck with your course! you should definetly go for it