I am struggling today

[flyingsaucersherbet]

Dp and I separated 3 weeks ago, and I had a thread on here where I got handed my arse for being so pathetic when he was (to outsiders) clearly abusive.

I stopped contacting him, I have been to the doctors and got a referral back to my old psychotherapist. I have sleeping tablets. I’ve read every self help book I can lay my hands on and have a journal with his bad points in. I’ve rearranged the rooms and am trying to exercise.

I’m trying so bloody hard, and yet it hurts so much. I miss him. When will this start to get easier? What else can I do? I’m so tired of feeling tired, and lonely.

It sounds like you are doing really well. It's one day at a time at this stage. Just try and get through each day and don't contact him. Do you have friends or family that you can go out and do stuff with to keep you occupied and to give some structure to the week? You will get there and feel much better. Unfortunately there is no set timescale for this everyone is different but you will.

You are doing really well. You have been through so much and of course you are exhausted !

It’s fine to miss him, you miss the times when he was nice and you miss the future you hoped for with him. It’s a loss like any other and grieving is very tiring .

There’s no easy answer expect the obvious one. It will get better with time and you will cope by keeping busy.

Are you working ? Are you able to get out the house and join things ? Clubs, sports groups, volunteering, community or church events. Seeing friends and family .

Avoid things that are full of couples and events that revolve around drinking . Or seeing anyone who will talk about your ex.

Worst thing is sitting at home and moping. I know it’s what your granny would have said but she’s right.

I have to see him twice a day from tomorrow when kids go back to school and I just don’t know how I’m not going to fall apart.

I feel like I’m doing all the things people say will help, but I’m still falling apart. I had a miscarriage just after we split up, and I feel like I’m grieving for a future that could have been so different.

I’m going to take Ds to the cinema now, I am being a really shite parent at the moment and doing the bare minimum with him and it’s not fair. I just want a time machine!

Oops I didn’t refresh the page , smartie cake has just said exactly the same thing, only more concisely.

It’s normal to feel that you are functioning on the outside but falling apart inside. You need to fake it til you make it.

Shite parents don’t take their kids to the cinema. You are doing just fine, honestly.

Is there any way you can avoid seeing your ex twice a day ? That sounds very stressful .

You've had a miscarriage and your marriage has ended - all within 3 weeks.
Please do not expect miracles.
You will not 'just be over' any of this yet!
You are doing all the right things but they won't magically fix this.
It takes time. A lot of time.
I didn't have to deal with a miscarriage but when my 15 year marriage ended it took me a good year to start to feel like myself again.
Please understand that there is no quick fix.
You take each day as it comes and get through it as best you can for now.
Lean on others for support and stop putting pressure on yourself for this to all be great now. It just won't be.
You will miss him.
You will miss the future you planned in your head.
You are grieving. It's a long process.
Be kind to yourself.

A lot of people who have not been in an abusive relationship just dont understand, when they are reading and responding to your post they arnt taking into consideration the months or years that its taken to get to this abusive spot. There is a lot cohursian and manipulation used and tbh i dont think the one abusing always realises!!
Why do you have to see him twice a day? surely this isnt going to help anyone more on.
It really does take time and it also takes time to realise quite whats going and where you are, at the very very beginning your on autopilot.

Im sorry to hear about your miscarriage, what a dreadful time for you. xx

It will take time, and sometimes you will feel okay for a few days and then something silly will set you off again, before going back to okay-is again straight after. It's completely normal to feel like the ground has been pulled out from under you.

Just keep swimming. One day at a time - you can do this

I also nearly posted 'just keep swimming' it's very apt at times like this. Did you post recently about him suddenly wanting to do the school run?

Thank you for replying we are just back from the cinema.

I have to see him twice a day as our kids are at the same school. I bumped into him at the weekend which I think might be what’s kicked this all off for me again. I actually feel better when I see him, it’s like a real life version of him that I can see the good and bad bits of. It’s when he’s not there that I just miss feeling safe and looked after. He was very controlling and so, to a degree, I feel scared and a bit lost now making my own decisions. I am angry he has left me on my own, which is stupid as it wasn’t healthy and I should be pleased about it.

I’ve been through so much worse - my ex left when I was pregnant, so I know I will be okay, I just don’t know why this breakup has floored me as much as it has. I’m trying so hard to do all the Right things, and I’m still feeling broken. It doesn’t seem fair!

take it day by day. When it happened to me I broke the days down into 30 mins sections. I wore a rubber band around my wrist and if I thought about it I pinged it ten times . If I got through a 30 mins section I had a treat (a chocolate or something). It soon got to wherte I was going an hour then to four and thena whole day and a week and now its WHATS HIS NAME lol xx