The realisation that no one has ever loved me

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

My relationship of 10 years ended a few days ago.

We have a daughter and this has shocked everyone as we were perceived to have a happy life together.

However he was absolutely adamant that he would never marry me, I know very few of his friends and he made no real attempts at getting to know mine.

I’ve spent ten years shutting myself away from my friendship groups and, in hindsight, I don’t think that git ever loved me or actually knew me at all.

He would forget birthdays, I was overlooked at Christmas, never taken out.

I am so sad that I am 33 and nobody has loved me.

Without bragging- my friends would say that I am attractive and fun to be around. I’m not awful. I just feel completely passed over.

I suspect his behaviour had more to do with he feels about himself than you. He has done a huge number on your self esteem. You are 33; you have loads of time to find another relationship that is happy. You are not passed over at all; that is just your mindset telling you that. You sound as though you have loads going for you. Time to find someone who appreciates all of that. But first, you need to accept and love that about yourself. Otherwise, you will accept any old piece of crap that walks along. Start looking at who is actually worthy of a relationship with you!

If someone doesn't love you, move on

Don't try to hang on to them, don't try to change their mind and make them love you..there is nothing more degrading than trying to convince someone to stay with you

Love should be given freely, and if the other person doesn't love you, move on and find someone who will love you, otherwise you are just cheating yourself by settling

I don’t think you have been ‘passed over’. You’ve passed over yourself by staying with a man who clearly didn’t love you.

The great thing is you’re young enough now to find real love.

I think firstly you need to figure out why you stayed in a dead relationship so long and had a child with him. And learn to recognise what a good relationship looks like.

Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love OP.

You say no one has ever loved you: is that true?

Your daughter doesn’t love you? None of your family members do or ever did? You’ve never had a friend or best friend who loved you? An animal?

Don’t put all of your self esteem eggs in the romantic relationship love basket. This guy has done a number on how you feel about yourself but it’s not a reflection on who you are as a person or your worth or lovability, it’s a reflection only on this one relationship with one of the 7 billion humans on this planet.

Not wanting to get married is not an issue it seems its becoming more a spectacle which some find uncomfortable being part of. But not doing little things does show your not on someone's mind. 33 is young and believe me people come along in life when you're not looking who will love you for who you are as clichéd as that is its true.

Thankful I read this post today, has given me a bit of a perspective when I needed it.

I’m 33 and have been separated a while and I have changed a lot. It is cliche and sometimes very difficult but starting to love yourself is a really key part of getting over someone.

I was with somebody for thirteen years before it ended when I was 35. I grew more as a person in the couple of years after, gaining back my self-worth that had been insidiously eroded and cementing what is important to me in life. Ten years later I am happily married to a man who adores me and we cherish and respect each other. Love yourself, love your family, walk gently through life and amazing things can happen.

Thanks folks. I’ve screenshotted this so that I have it handy for rough moments!

I think this was the internet version of having my hair stroked.

Been to view a house today. Wasn’t the one for me but I feel like I am going and doing the thing and making things happen.

Your daughter loves you and you love her. You're already in one loving relationship based on who you are.

I know you are having a hard time but you now have opportunities, not just loss.

Move forward as quickly as you can.

I completely understand why you feel so shitty, with your long term relationship having ended. But the fact that one idiot couldn't appreciate you or be honest enough with himself to move on sooner certainly does not make you unlovable. Makes him quite the twat though.

And your daughter certainly loves you. Who are you going to believe, her or him?

No-one has an automatic right to be loved. It comes when we love others. Also see what you can give to a relationship, not what you can get, and you'll be far happier.

The longest relationship you have is with yourself and I'm sure your daughter loves you. I'd spend more time with your friends as he certainly isn't.
Having said that I feel your pain at being unevenly yoked in terms of finding out that you had more investment in a relationship with a friend than they did with you. But I have quality rather than quantity.

But above all learn to love yourself!

Well she did love and it didn’t come, she gave and didn’t get much back.

I think the real issue is identifying when someone is a tosser and moving on. And not valuing yourself by the value the tosser seemed to have for you, because you’re worth 1000 of him.