We have been together 10 years 5 of which we had a regular varied sexlife. but the last 5 years it been about a handful of times a year and passionless with awkward laughter from her, i do hope it is awkward only.
All her past partners have been alpha type males and with the exception of the first all others have been black men. All have been cheaters or violent or both. I am none of these things I am a white financial services office worker who has never raised a hand or cheated.
She has often remarked on her exes such as holidays, wearing sexy lingerie and how black men are liberated in the bedroom I find some of this frankly playing to fetishisation of a race which is daft and hurtful as she has never dressed up in lingerie during our relationship.
I am starting to be drawn in by things I read about a patsy being sought once the fun is over, am I really here just to pay the bills now she is finished with the type of men she actually finds sexually attractive. She has a daughter from the last relationship and despite how bad the father was she still clearly had an active sex life with him. Oh and of course the famous "once you go.." phrase keeps coming up online too.
I really love her and find her very attractive as I have done all these years but I am struggling with the constant rejection. Every date night will end with an excuse or just a used tampon left floating in toilet for me to see as a not tonight sign post.
The lack of sex has destroyed my confidence and I don't even try now as I can't stand the rejection or worse passionless sex where I now feel she is comparing me to others and even laughs at my efforts. I just drink 2 bottles of wine a night at weekends now. She will say she has no libido and most women are the same, surely sex continues after year 5? I have seen lots of porn in the computers browsing history don't know if that's an attempt to stir her libido or she just enjoys it. Just at a loss as to whats actually going on am I loosing it?