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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband that loves to sleep

6 replies

Mummylovesbags · 04/09/2018 03:25

Hello,

I am new to mumsnet, I am actually based overseas but find the Mumsnet forum responses to be more intelligent and insightful.

My husband works for a large corporation but can work his own hours from home.

He usually wakes up between 9:30am - 11:30 am but usually on the later end. He goes to bed at 1pm ish. He unwinds by staying up late and watching TV.

He has tried waking up early but it is a challenge for him. He also suffers from migraines if he doesn't get enough sleep or is too stressed so I am lenient.

We have one little boy who is 2 and is a terrible sleeper. We have only just managed to get him to fall asleep in his bed. He sleeps with me and still wakes up for milk during the night. We are trying to ween him off milk but that's another challenge.

I am currently at home with my little boy but starting a business making high quality leather bags. I would like to start dedicating more time to this. However...

My husband does not want our little boy in daycare because he got sick too much when we tried it months ago. It was back to back viruses and viral wheezing/asthma.

We have had quite a bit of support from my Mother in Law as I hit a wall mentally and physically with the lack of sleep.

I completely resent my husband. He has cooked meals the last few nights and he does take the bins out and clean the kitchen in the evening. On occasion he does baths and so forth. He really knows how to stretch out these chores though and make me feel like he's doing 10 times more.

He does not enjoy being a Dad even though it's what he wanted. He occasionally does a park trip but he's not into it. My son cries for me when he is alone with his Dad.

Husband had 4 day break over weekend and it went like this.... I woke up during night for our toddler and slept with him, woke up in morning, did activity with him, put him to sleep. At 3pm when he woke from sleep my husband would start chipping in and take to park and cook dinner but I did everything else. I also am the one that lies in bed with my little boy until he falls asleep which takes 1 hour.

I am hugely resentful and want to go to a hotel and leave him with my little boy for two days. Would this be a shitty thing to do ?

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 04/09/2018 04:45

I assume you mean he goes to bed around 1am?

He's structuring his day to family time and childcare. That's hurtful and unfair to you.

A bunch of women will be on shortly to tell you that because you're a SAHM you should just put up with all kinds of crappy behaviour without a word of complaint, but that's some internalized sexist twaddle.

Your child is not a newborn. There is no reason you should be on duty all night.

You are entitled to at least as much leisure time and sleep as your partner enjoys. Are you getting it?

SilverBirchTree · 04/09/2018 04:45

*to avoid family time & childcare

treaclesoda · 04/09/2018 04:49

He has tried waking up early but it is a challenge for him

As it is for most adults. But most of us suck it up and when the alarm goes we grit our teeth and get on with it.

IAmAllAstonishment · 04/09/2018 07:44

So I’m a supporter of the SAHP doing the majority house work/ childcare, in general, but this situation doesn’t sound right to me at all.

Doing his own hours from home means he has it easier than most working partners do. Also he seems to actively be structuring his day to escape helping out.
He 100% should not be going to bed at 1am and waking up at 11. Migraines or stress or whatever he’s just a selfish prick. If I were you I would be dumping DS in bed with DH at 7am and not facilitating him sleeping late. He may get migraines for a day or two but he can fix that by going to bed at a normal time!!!

AngelicDarkness · 04/09/2018 09:04

Now normally I'd be behind you OP however, this isn't normal.

I have B12 deficiency/ Pernicious Anemia. I can sleep 12 hours + then wake up exhausted. If I've not slept enough I am physically ill and vomit.

Maybe worth a trip to the Dr's to rule out something nasty.

Mummylovesbags · 24/12/2018 23:48

You're quite right and switched on. I know this but need to hear it. Sorry for the late message of appreciation xx

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