Do you feel left out by friends?

[jackio2205]

I'll spare you the reasons, but I'm in my 30's and I feel bloody left out from my two oldest friends. Hate myself for it because I feel really childish, but literally cannot help it.
Does anyone else gets pangs of feeling like a left out 12 year old? 😂

Please share your stories and also tell me to get a hold of myself...

Yup - it’s amazing how easily those childhood feelings of exclusion/fear of being excluded come back.

I felt like that too. I'm childless and so many family forget me/ exclude me from invitations when the younger are involved. Childless and left out. Double pain. Maybe your friends don't realise what they have been doing inadvertently.

Friends??? What friends?? LOL I have 0 so that last 6weeks has been lonely I have 3 boys so every day out with them was a bit lonely as kids talk but it's nothing like having a friend to talk too. Ugh but today it's first day back in the school run to get looked down and ignored for living in a council flat 😂😂😂 which I will never get why they prejudged us as a whole I've been going to that school 3 years even the teachers assumed I was a single mum on benefits and had 3 kids by 3 dads etc lol they nearly died when my partner rocked up in his John Deere overalls. He works full time his jobs demanding so I do everything alone.. and he's the dad two my two youngest soon to be 3 and my eldest is from my x partner who where completely cool with.

I do get those feeling when I see the other mums group off together or childless friends all going off to the cafe etc I feel jealous but I just go home I think being left out is a horrible feeling but your never alone just give your self me time spoil yourself etc it helps x

Good point @Fightthebear, it's childhood feelings coming back isn't it. In a way I'm glad to know that others feel the same as it means it's not just me, but at the same time sad to hear that sometimes we feel like this, why can't we just be happy with what we have and if we're not happy go and get it?

Anyway, thanks ladies and I'm sorry to hear you're in the boat. Couple of comments about childless people being left out, made me quite concious about it and I'm going to be really aware of that with my friends that don't have babies!

Much love x

Yes and you're not wrong to feel bad about it, it's pretty hurtful whenever it happens, regardless of age.

My experience is quite recent:

I have two different groups of friends, most of them have at least one child now.

With one group, who don't live particularly near to me, I do get invited to "child friendly" events and I enjoy this just as much as going to the pub, possibly more as I'm not really a fan of a hangover these days! I love my friends and their kids, despite not having one of my own (we are trying but we're are a little older in starting than everyone else, life just got in the way) and it's nice to spend this time with them.

With the other group, actually my oldest friends, I don't get invited to group/child friendly things at all and the meet ups without children are very rare. I hadn't really thought about it much until something was mentioned by one of the group; I had invited them all to something I was organising and they didnt reply until about 6 weeks later. I know life gets in the way and I can be bad at replying sometimes myself so hadn't been to worried about it, however it turns out this friend had chased them all to do so, telling them it was poor manners not to respond. I guess that was the bit that hurt, that I wasn't important enough to them to type a quick "thanks but we have something on" to.

I've not tackled it yet although I have told my friend that I was a bit upset and she has been understanding.

I think I need to branch out and meet some new people (who live closer to me) to become friends with, perhaps take up a new hobby to meet them. Perhaps that's something that you could do OP?

I think my problem is actually that I'm spread too thin, like I have lots of different groups so I'm never really totally involved and I'm never anyones first choice. Like I said, I feel childish so won't get into the details, but it's more that even with my oldest friends, I'm never their number one choice for aaaaanything, and on the flip side I don't have anyone that is always my first choice go to person. I clearly have a thing about being left out and I feel uncomfortable about 'choosing' people (like bridesmaids, god parents etc etc...) so I try not to and just treat everyone equally, so find it even harder when some people just don't care about it and will pick a fave friend?

Thank you all for watching, commenting etc. I think what I'll take away is that everyone will feel it in one way or another even if they don't mean it? But yes, if you are feeling a certain way then you can try to do something about it, either speaking up or by finding 'your own tribe'.

Xxx

every day. hate myself . I work in an office with two other women. They eat lunch together, go walking together , on works do they buddy up and never leave each others site but im left on my own. I try not to let it get to me but it does so I know how you feel

@mrsaxlerose that doesnt sound good - you're in work for such a large part of the day and it's not nice to feel like that for a second, let alone a whole day.

Are they aware they're doing it or could it be that they don't realise? I ask because if they are aware and they're being bitchy, there's probably not much you can do to change it, but if they're just not aware you could suggest an alternative; perhaps a Friday you go for lunch out together(if you have somewhere local) as a treat and get to know them a bit more so that they start to include you more often.

Yes me. I introduced a couple of friends. All went to the same school but those two didn't know each other. We meet up occasionally and last time we met up, those two met an hour ahead of our planned time. One text me and said she felt a bit uncomfortable about the arrangement as suggested by the other one. The other one told me it was a timing thing instigated by the other one. I felt childish being a bit pissed off about but did and still feel a bit excluded by it.

It's such a weird one isn't it, when you think that to men this would be insignificant. I really really do hate to be gender specific there, but I have a lot of male perspectives in my life and whenever I've even mentioned it they don't get it at all.
I keep coming back to 'the bottom line' and that is in fact that if I'm not happy I have to take responsibility and do something about it, either accept it for what it is and be happy I have a friendship with them, move on completely or speak up. I think in the past I have to admit that I felt the victim but in reality, how were they to know how I was feeling, they're not mind readers? And in the coldest possible way, they obviously prefer eachother to me, and that totally sucks, but we all prefer people over others right, just naturally lean towards some people, can't be helped?

X