Meeting my dad after 25 yrs..

[Daydreamer2011]

I’m not sure where to start really but today I met my father, I haven’t seen him since I was told when I was 15 .. I was brought up with by my grandparents who I called mummy and daddy and I had sisters! But when I was 15 my world was turned around.. actually my parents where my grandparents and my sister was my biological mother! I lost my Daddy (grandfather) when I was 17 ..

Questions yes I had loads.. but I met my biological father after I was told (he had always been in and out of my life growing up but I just thought he was a friend of my parents) but I don’t know why I didn’t see him again until today I tracked him down finally and we met today! He was very keen to see me and said he had always wanted to be involved but he lost track of us.. I don’t know how to feel as I was always led to believe that he didn’t want to know he had children and had moved on but this is not the case! He welcomed me with open arms, his children know about me and they are keen to meet me! I’m left feeling shocked all a tad sureal but I don’t know where to go from here.. I don’t want to seem pushy but I don’t want seem disinterested.. I’m 40 and feeling like a little girl again and I’ve missed so much.. I’m so sorry for rambling but wondering if anyone had been through similar?

Wow that must have been a difficult experience finding out about your true parentage at that age OP . Is your mother still around? Can she support you through this?

I met my father after a 32 year absence a few years ago. Different situation to yours
as he left when I was 7 and raised his new wife's DC (not his bio children) leaving me with an abusive mother and no child maintenance which was used as an excuse for me to be neglected basically.

Unfortunately I couldn't get past my resentment, which didn't really hit until after we'd made contact again, and too many years had passed for me to feel comfortable with him or comfortable enough for me to let him into my DCs lives. He was a stranger and wanted to carry on as if he'd never been out of my life. He was very defensive when I asked the awkward questions and wouldn't discuss it. My mother saw it as a betrayal and it was the catalyst for us going NC.

I think it really depends on how you feel about him and what you want to get out of a relationship as to how you proceed. I wanted my Dad back but the Dad I met at 39 wasn't the Dad I used to fantasise about rescuing me as a child IUKWIM?

You have half siblings too? They might be nice additions to your family if you all get on. Do you live close, will you see each other regularly enough to build a relationship?

I was elated that I'd found him and after our first meeting, it was only later that reality hit and questions started to be raised in my mind about his abandonment, especially having DCs of my own and how DH is with them.

Hope you have some RL support and a happier ending .

Oh god.. I’m not surprised you had questions and felt resentment! He should have at least answered your questions honestly!

My mother (grandmother) wouldn’t understand and would feel betrayed. But then she’s lied.. so would hate me find out the truth so would be defensive and nasty about it.. my biological mother knows but we are close but only as a sister relationship. When I found out I desperately wanted to live with her but got told I wasn’t allowed too! I was told but nothing came of the promises..

I have searched for years for him and the most crazy thing he lives in the same village as my daughter goes to school.. we moved last year and for a year I’ve been driving in and out of the place! I do have half siblings and a grandmother to meet.. we all live with in 10/15 mins of each other... I’ve always felt I didn’t fit in. On the outside of my family and I want to fit somewhere .. but I can’t tell my sisters (aunties) as they wouldn’t understand.