I’ve name changed for this.
As a teenager I had a relationship with a guy my age. We were together for 5 years until I was 21 and then on and off for another couple of years after that. It was all a very dramatic relationship as I suppose most teenage things are. I’m now married, relatively happily and have two young dc’s.
But I am completely and utterly still in love with the ex. I never mention him to anyone, I’m fully aware I don’t even know him anymore and even if we were both single I wouldn’t want a relationship with him as it was so destructive. He’s now married with dc’s too. I think about him constantly. I generally resist the urge to look him up on social media but I have done maybe once a year or so. My dm is good friends with his dm so I do hear from her occasionally what he’s up to but I never show any interest or anything when she mentions it.
I know it’s rose tinted glasses. I’m sure I’m associating him with a time when I was young and gorgeous and life was still full of possibilities. But I just don’t know how to stop feeling how I do.
Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? I feel so silly that I feel like this about someone I went out with a decade ago and who I haven’t even spoken to in about 3 years. I’m wondering if some kind of talking therapy might help? Maybe if I actually say it out loud and hear how pathetic it is it’ll snap some sense into me.