Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

partner and tax credits

22 replies

user1466783975 · 03/09/2018 17:57

I was just wondering what others would do in this situation. Chatting to boyfriend about moving in together in maybe a year. I will have one dc of 11 at home who had asd and because of this i am working self employed during the termtime (so I can pick up after school and have in the hols). I get both working and child tax credits. When,if he does move in,is it reasonable to ask him to cover these? Thanks

OP posts:

Quirkycutekitch2011 · 03/09/2018 18:00

I don’t think it is reasonable for him to cover them - I lost mine - but that was my choice for living with a partner, you split the bills so that saves some money.

Storm4star · 03/09/2018 18:01

I think you will get differing opinions on this but me personally, I think yes he does need to cover them. I am assuming that you don't have a lot of spare cash and to lose your tax credits will be a significant loss. No one is forcing him to move in with you, and you and your child come as a package. If he can't accept that, financially as well as emotionally, then he has the choice to say no he's not moving in. However, you do need to have this conversation before he moves in. Not after.

Storm4star · 03/09/2018 18:04

Cross posted with Quirky! Interesting though. Quirky, why do you think that someone who gets into a relationship with you shouldn't have to help with your DCs costs? Would you accept a man living with you who wouldn't engage in conversation with your DC's or involve them in holidays etc? As I said in my post, single mums come as a package. If a man doesn't want the responsibility then don't date a single mum! Different maybe if their dad makes a financial contribution but otherwise I do think the man should cover the money "lost".

cantstandmenow · 03/09/2018 18:06

I wouldn't ask him to "cover" the tax credits. But point out that you will lose them, as well as council tax reduction, and ask that he contributes to rent, council tax, food and utility bills.

How much tc's are you receiving?

Quirkycutekitch2011 · 03/09/2018 18:07

I think the only adults that have a financial responsibility for a child are that child’s parents - of course step parents can be amazing additions in their lives from an emotional point of view.

Original poster

user1466783975 · 03/09/2018 18:14

A little over a hundred a week,i don't want to get flamed on here for receiving these,but basically i'm a house owner and just downsized big time to a tiny terrace so I can pay my mortgage with ease. It's early days with him but we are chatting about the future and I just wondered what happens when my salary is a third of his.

OP posts:

Storm4star · 03/09/2018 18:14

The thing is though Quirky, obviously I don't know OPs, or your, situation as to whether the dad contributes or not. So my opinion is in the situation where dad doesn't contribute.

But, look at it this way. I've known a few couples where elderly parents have needed care they can't afford. In that scenario, both the couple pay for it out of joint funds. Even though the parent(s) is only the parent of one of the couple. I just think that if you are becoming a family then you treat all funds and commitments as a family. And, if said man does not want to enter into such a commitment he has the choice not to move in.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 03/09/2018 18:19

I would only move my boyfriend in with me if I was going to be financially better off. I certainly wouldn't take a hit just for the privalige of living with him.

You say you want him to cover the tax credits but you will lose your 25% council tax discount and all of your bills will increase too, so just covering the tax credits is going to leave you out of pocket big time.

cantstandmenow · 03/09/2018 18:20

Not flaming you for receiving them. I receive £20 a week myself.

If he's contributing to things I mentioned, would you expect to be much, if any worse off?

rainingcatsanddog · 03/09/2018 18:20

You obviously need a chat about finances and to explain that some of your income is benefits which you'll lose if you move in with him.

Yanbu to tell him that if you move in together then he'll end up Having to pay some child-related costs.

He inbu if he says that he can't afford to move in with you. It depends how much extra money he has after costs.

Storm4star · 03/09/2018 18:21

OP I think the simple answer to this is to talk to him. He may be more than happy to contribute a bit more than just half the bills. You can express your concerns about losing the credits and see what his response is. That on it's own will be very telling. I personally wouldn't be willing to lose £400 a month to live with someone. Him paying half the bills won't counteract that certainly. Or you can just have a more general conversation around how finances would work for you both. There's a post elsewhere about a married woman who's DCs aren't her husbands and she's in a bad situation financially and the overwhelming response was "why didn't you discuss this before getting married".

Joysmum · 03/09/2018 18:23

I think the only adults that have a financial responsibility for a child are that child’s parents

Loveuckily my dad doesn’t agree and took on my 4 step-siblings and any inheritance will be split 5 ways now despite my fab step-mum not bring much equity to the marriage 12 years ago.

He thought advice I do that if you enter a new partnership with someone who has kids then you take on partnership in that family. I respect him hugely for that.

OP I’d do your sums. Work out the increased costs and halve them. Make sure you’re not worse off but I wouldn’t ask him to subsidise your benefits.

cantstandmenow · 03/09/2018 18:24

And where does he live now? What are his costs? Is he going to benefit financially from having someone to spilt costs with?

AngelsSins · 03/09/2018 18:29

I think the only adults that have a financial responsibility for a child are that child’s parents - of course step parents can be amazing additions in their lives from an emotional point of view

Well you could say the same about all parenting, only the parents are responsible, so would you support a women who moved in with a single dad but refused to do any childcare, cook the child meals, ever wash their school uniform etc?

Original poster

user1466783975 · 03/09/2018 18:30

Thanks everyone,i will do my sums. He hates cooking and cleaning so the fact i'm home at 3.30 every day means he will benefit from his usual ravioli on toast (and have a proper mea l!!). I do get £160 a month from sons father.

OP posts:

Storm4star · 03/09/2018 18:37

Interesting you raise that OP. There's a lot of talk on here about couples sharing household chores 50/50. I'm sure some do but in cases I've seen, without exception, the man has always benefited from moving in with a woman in that aspect. Some will share cooking. But generally the woman will do the things like cleaning the loo and making sure there's clean bed sheets etc etc. My view is why shouldn't a man pay a little more than just "half the bills" considering the privileges he's gaining.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/09/2018 18:38

When my late-DH moved in with me he made a contribution which covered what I calculated as the additional costs (council tax, a proportion of utility costs, share of food) and my loss of tax credits. I also continues to claim child benefit and he paid it back via his tax return.
I didn't have housing costs so there wasn't any rent or mortgage element.
He also used to buy quite a lot of food, increasingly paid when we went out etc. He went roughly 50/50 on holidays regardless of whether it was just the 2 of us or all 4.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/09/2018 18:43

To clarify that - he usually paid when the two of us went out, but I'd pay when the boys were with us as I felt I was 3/4ths of the costs, but he increasingly would pay for all of us.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 03/09/2018 19:13

Before you have the finances discussion with him, sit down and work out how much he is going to cost you, remember to factor in:

loss of tax credits
loss of 25% council tax discount
33% more on water
33% more on gas
33% more on electric
plus food

then you will have a rough idea of how much to charge

LeftRightCentre · 03/09/2018 19:44

I'd never move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend if it meant a) my child and I were worse off b) I would be reliant upon another person to make up that financial loss. No relationship is worth the financial well-being and security of myself and my children. Also would not risk my home and my children's home to move in a boyfriend or girlfriend. No way. And if that meant not having a live-in relationship so be it. My kids and I come first.

Musti · 03/09/2018 20:33

Work it out and make sure you're no worse off financially and practically. Do not take on housekeeping and cooking duties, make sure he does his fair share!

Pissedoffdotcom · 03/09/2018 20:36

I don't think it should be seen as covering the tax credits because you lose them on the basis that you have more income as a family. So unless he won't be putting into the pot then surely it's unreasonable to expect him to cover that too?? If he won't be splitting the bills etc with you which would make me question the type of bloke he is anyway then getting him to make the difference up is reasonable...altho your costs would then go up so you'd be out of pocket anyway, surely?

Flip