Friend missed out on life

[peony34]

I don't really have a question, more wanted to share a musing.

I have a very close group of friends from school, we're early 30s now.

One of our group died while we were university age. Obviously we were devastated when it happened and we all still talk about her (though that's lessening, I notice).

Recently - I suspect because a few of us have had kids recently - it's hit me again how sad it is that she died before she had a chance to have a family or a career (she was a fantastic artists, and would have done that).

She's missed out on so much, and her friends and family have missed out on sharing it (I know that sounds selfish).

Does anyone know what I mean? I've not asked the other friends who know her in case they think I'm mawkish.

I get it. There was less than a year between me and one of my cousins. She died when we were 15.

I often think about things that I've done that she never will and how sad it is. E.g. meeting DH, getting married, buying a house etc.

I’m sorry you lost your friend

I know exactly what you mean. I lost a friend who was in his twenties and as the gap between what we were all like then and how our lives are now grows it’s sad to think what he wanted for himself and his life didn’t get to happen.

Its not quite the same but I’m 43 and in the last 5 years or so I’ve lost 3 former school friends and 2 former work colleagues including one who was my best friend at the time, all in tragic circumstances. Illness and accidents. I see kids growing up without parents/grandparents and bereaved spouses. It’s just so sad and a reminder of our own mortality. Live for the day 💐

My dd was killed when she was 23. Those thoughts are with me everyday.
I have a niece the same age, who recently had her first child. I'm very close to my DN but I must admit I found it very hard to smile and be happy because all I could think about was dd will never have this.
She called her baby after dd which was a lovely thing to do, if I'm really honest I cried when she told me ( don't think it was the reaction she was hoping for)

It nice that your friend is still in your thoughts peony34. I'm sure that would mean alot to her family.

I know exactly what you mean. My friend died when we were 18. He was 2 days older than me. I think of what he has missed all the time. I sometimes do deals with the devil where I allow myself the fantasy that he lived and we met up as adults.

I also had a friend who died at 42, she had a two year old. Then I went to a funeral for an old lady and thought that she'd had 40 years more than my friend who was just robbed of a full life.

I totally understand where you're coming from, my best friend was killed along side her mum when she was 14 back in 91 and even to this day I wonder what her life would've been like. I miss her still so much, I still have a lot of her clothes that I just can't part with.

I get it. My first boyfriend died when we were 19. My childhood best friend and “birthday twin” died when we were 23. Every year of life feels like a privilege to me; people who take old age for granted or moan about getting older feel like an alien species. They were both so full of life and adventure, they would have embraced every new challenge. Every new milestone I wish they were experiencing it too.

Thank you all for being lovely. Sorry to all of you who have also lost someone.

I understand. I lost a friend at 18, almost 20 years ago. I often wonder what they would have done in the interim.

In a way the more time that passes the more I realise just how shit death is

My sister died at 18. She never got to receive her A level results. She never got to go to uni. She never got to travel. She never got to have children. The list goes on. Her life was just beginning. It still hurts more than 30 years later and I wonder what her children would have looked like, what career she would’ve picked etc. Every family event is bitter sweet because she’s not here. However, I take comfort that she was happy at the time of her death. It was sudden and not through illness so she didn’t know it was coming. She enjoyed the life she had. We all loved her and remember her. So although it was too short it was a successful life.