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Relationships

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Original poster

When should things be serious

19 replies

GFat32 · 02/09/2018 22:55

I feel so silly posting this thread but I haven’t been single in years so this is all new to me.

I’ve been ‘seeing’ a guy for around 6 months on and off.

We finally decided to get ‘serious’ around a month ago (although we have only been seeing each other the past six months). But the girlfriend boyfriend label still hasn’t been pinned. I can tell he likes me he has actually said he loves me but there is no asking to be his gf and no meeting his family. We both have kids and I’m fine with taking that slow. But how much longer should I give it or have I gave it too long already

OP posts:

Septembermummy1 · 02/09/2018 22:57

I think 6 months is quite long.

Burp1 · 02/09/2018 22:58

Unless you're teenagers surely no one says 'do you want to be my girlfriend?'. It's just assumed you are, isn't it?

LusaCole · 02/09/2018 23:03

I wouldn't expect him to "ask me to be his gf" - that's a bit teenage-y in my opinion. Have you asked him to meet your family?

Singlenotsingle · 02/09/2018 23:06

Where's this thing of asking come from? Have you been watching too much TOWIE? (Arg and Gemma)?

Creeper8 · 02/09/2018 23:13

Hmm personally I see nothing wrong in clarifying that your are bf/gf, I know someone who was dating a guy for a year and a half who then turned round and said he wasnt her bf. Personally I think just assuming you are is weirder.

2slicesoftoast · 02/09/2018 23:19

Have you actually talked about your relationship?
I just asked my fella - how do you want me to introduce you?. (We were going out to an event where my friends would be too). And he said, Well, I'm your guy.

Original poster

GFat32 · 02/09/2018 23:22

When I say we have been ‘on and off’ that has al been his doing as he kept getting cold feet and didn’t know what he wanted.

So I don’t want to ask him to meet my family as I’d prefer him to
Ask me to meet his first iyswim. We live around45 mins from each other And we see each other twice a week at least. He called me his gf this morning...he had made me tea and said ‘anything for my gf’ but he can be a hard one to read

OP posts:

nicebitofquiche · 02/09/2018 23:27

I noticed the asking someone to be girlfriend or boyfriend on Love Island. I've heard it's become a thing among younger people because it seems that even though you can be seeing and having sex with someone regularly you can still do the same thing with other people if you haven't made a public announcement that you're now bf or gf and that only happens by being formally asked. Bizarre.

Creeper8 · 02/09/2018 23:34

Alot of men want the gf experience without the gf, which is why I wouldnt assume I was without it actually being established.

Original poster

GFat32 · 02/09/2018 23:52

Creeper8 that’s my thoughts

OP posts:

Funicorn · 03/09/2018 00:03

Very similar position /time scale to you OP . He's met my son but I have not met his teenagers and am in no rush . Don't know your age but we're older and the BF/GF thing seems a bit daft . He made it clear from early on that he does not see the point in dating several people at one time. There's no rush or time scale. It's what works for you . He's said you are his GF - I would go with that for now.

Original poster

GFat32 · 03/09/2018 00:07

We are both early 30s he has been hard to read in the early days. We cooled things off for a while but we can’t keep away from each other so we both wanted to make another go of things. Yet because of the start it’s put me off asking him if we are in a relationship now as before when I would ask a silly ‘are we official’ freaked him out x

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 03/09/2018 00:23

I’d bin him, to be honest. There’s a lot of men out the who’d be delighted to be your boyfriend. 6 months on and off doesn’t sound like he’s that keen.

Original poster

GFat32 · 03/09/2018 13:01

It’s frustrating as we are very well suited...I guess if I mention it to him I’m
Worried he’ll have his freak out again he doesn’t like serious conversations. Which makes him sound like a complete twat I know ugh I hate all this

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/09/2018 13:04

Yeah if you can’t communicate freely and he has recurrent commitment issues then it’s time to end it.

Funicorn · 03/09/2018 14:07

Not all men ( or women ) like "serious conversations" or find it easy to talk about their feelings . This is still early days for you . Do you really know what you want with this guy after 6 months ? I know that I don't in my situation but the way I feel about him now is much deeper than it was say 3 months ago . It takes time to develop a proper relationship .

By the way - what do you mean by saying we got "serious" after a month ? It actually sounds like you are in a relationship to me . Does it have to be put into words ? He called you his girlfriend for goodness sake - watch for these little things :-)

There seems to be this school of thought in some sectors on here that these guys have to commit and do this and that and text in some kind of timeline . Jeez! Enjoy!

Original poster

GFat32 · 03/09/2018 17:40

I have fell for him a lot...he says he has too but I’m just not sure I think because yeh beginning he was pretty shitty

We are in constant contact through text all day and he ring me every evening then see each other twice a week (kids permitting) I know it’s still a bit early to meet the parents but just wondering when it would be reasonable too. Dating on and off 6 months but always exclusive. The last month and a half everything has been brilliant and more effort has been put in

OP posts:

OrangeFluff · 03/09/2018 18:12

Him calling you his girlfriend is probably his way of saying it without having to actually have the conversation, if that sort of thing makes him uncomfortable. It’s nit something that would normally skip out unless he’s thought about it, I would think.

dilly123 · 03/09/2018 18:34

I too am seeing someone who is hard to read, blows hot & cold.. we've been on off for 5 years.. I think past experiences scare him into making commitment but this time around I'm also in a place where I'm much more secure as a person & am quite happy to go along with the flow.. we don't label our relationship.. I wouldn't want to date anyone else I don't know if he would (I doubt it).. just enjoy it for what it is... men are easily scared off

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