I want a Cat he doesn't !

[cherry1012]

My daughter 3 years old and I live togther partner stays a few nights a week. We have plans to live togther one day, I've always wanted a cat for me and my little girl as we can offer a good loving home. My partner is totally against it doesn't want one and says if we ever get a house togther I can't bring it with me ! He's even said that his 10 year old daughter has an allergy to cats even though her mother has a dog at home ! When he has his dd she stays with his parents anyway and only had her 4 nights a month. Would it be wrong of me to just get one ? I won't want to just give it up either as time moves forward I just feel why should my dd miss out as I'm not having more children and she has no siblings she sees a lot! I was thinking about just doing it ! 😱🙈what are your opinions please thanks xx

OP, I had a general allergy test last week and have attached a screenshot of the result (in German since I am in Germany). Nr 16-18 are cat, dog and horse. As you can see, I am mildly allergic to cats but not to dogs and horses. I have a cat and a mild allergy is quite common - my cat can and will stay. .

If you do plan to live together with your DP, maybe a cat is not a good idea if his daughter is to cats.

.... now with screenshot

You having a cat should never be more important to him than his dd being able to stay. If you expect to live with him the cat will be a deal breaker, you have to decide which is more important to you, this relationship or having a cat?

The one day living together idea may not even happen!!
Get a dcat amd enjoy it!! You are entitled to do what you want to make your dd happy right now, not to consider how his dd will cope at some point ahead!

My family got a cat when I was a child even though I said I didn't want one. I hated it. I really don't care much for animals and felt very uncomfortable around it until it died. Which was fifteen fucking years later.

My dh is a dog person, I am a cat person. When I moved in with him (farm so no choice there) he didn't like cats indoors but brought a kitten in to keep me company as I recovered from an illness. She ended up losing an eye and we recovered together. I loved that cat and when she died at 8.5 I was devastated and he grudgingly acknowledged it was inevitable we'd have another. Then dd2 wanted to adopt a sickly outdoor runt kitten. He said no way. Then ok but just to nurse it til we find a home. Then it had a wee friend which dd1 wanted, I expected battle royale but he simply sighed and said "3 dirty buggers" He thinks I don't see him stroking them or sneaking them dreamies

Get a hypoallergenic one? They are not all bald
www.omlet.co.uk/guide/cats/choosing_the_right_cat_for_you/7_best_hypoallergenic_cat_breeds

Oh, and find a partner who wants cats anyway. I had a pet hater for 20 years; he always denied it but never stroked the cat and just gave it dirty looks or complained about it moulting or scratching the settee.

@Loyaultemelie your DH sounds like mine, although he was never one for pets at all before we got together (he's allergic to dogs as I said earlier). But he clearly loves my 4 cats really. Once he'd agreed coping with a cat, he actually became quite a softy towards her, and my others since then. He doesn't express it much of course.

If you want a cat get one but he may walk away

As for the cat allergy it can be really nasty - my daughter had an awful reaction to one house with two cats but can happily be ok with others (mild reactions rather than none)

His parents look after his DD when she's supposed to be spending time with him?? Why? Doesn't sound like he's a good dad so I'd get a cat and get rid of him. I couldn't be with someone who palmed their child off on their grandparents instead of spending time with them. Unless I've read your post wrong?

Personally I couldn’t live with someone who didn’t like cats - it would indicate too big a gap in our views of the world

You having a cat should never be more important to him than his dd being able to stay. If you expect to live with him the cat will be a deal breaker, you have to decide which is more important to you, this relationship or having a cat?

^^ what Harmless said.

If his DD is allergic than he’I’ll have to chose between You& cat and his DD - his DD would presumably win.

It’s your home and he doesn’t live there so what you buy is completely up to you. Just make sure you understand the choice you are potentially making.

I'm allergic to cats and get a blocked nose. My sister is also allergic and can't be in the same house as one without having an asthma attack. It severe and she avoids them like the plague.

Rather than presuming he palms his dd off on his mother, can we assume his present accommodation isn't suitable and he spends time with his daughter at his mum's? If he is going to be moving in with the op, it is only fair that he, and therefore his daughter, feel at home. To get a pet she has a medical reaction to is not welcoming her into a blended family.

There are plenty of other pets the op could get surely. House trained rabbits? Something that would not make his daughter excluded.

I won't be impressed if my partner put their desire for a certain pet over my dc's health!

You having a cat should never be more important to him than his dd being able to stay. If you expect to live with him the cat will be a deal breaker, you have to decide which is more important to you, this relationship or having a cat?

^^ what Harmless said.

If his DD is allergic than he’I’ll have to chose between You& cat and his DD - his DD would presumably win.

It’s your home and he doesn’t live there so what you buy is completely up to you. Just make sure you understand the choice you are potentially making.

As someone else said. It may be that you have to choose between cat and DP. Or you getting one may make him end it if DD is allergic (and he realises you won't be able to live together)

I wouldn't be with someone who didn't like dogs. I intend on having multiple dogs until I can't. It's not wrong to choose a cat over a bloke, but realise that is what it might be....

Get one if you want, but he may not stay with you.

In terms of allergies, you can become tolerant to the allergy to animals through time with them. My dad got told by the doctor he was off the scale allergic to pets, and should never be around cats or dogs. However my dads theory was that by keeping the cats he would become used to them and the allergy wouldn't be that bad. Whereas if we got rid of them and he came across a cat in the future, the reaction would be really bad. He doesn't sneeze around them. He has eczema and I guess thats not any better but it's not worse either. He was born with that and no cream makes it go.

But his daughter won't be around the cats enough to develop that tolerance. It won't work for her.

Get one of these...

My little brother has a severe allergy to cats - asthma etc., and anti histamines don’t work. My dad also is allergic, but no asthma attacks. Anti histamines also don’t work for him. They both have dogs and are fine.

As others have said, it’s your choice to get a cat, but make that choice knowing your DP won’t live with you for as long as you have it, as it prevents his daughter from visiting you.

For what it’s worrh, I wouldn’t live with a man with a cat because I’m absolutely petrified of them (irrational fear - the clawing scares me!), but I’d live with 27 dogs.

My friend wants a cat, but they want a vegan cat as they are vegan.

rolls eyes

My husband is and his mum has had three at one point. Down to one now 🙁

Anyway, before we get there, his mum keeps the car away from he main living areas and gives the house a very very thorough vacuum and cleaning.

Hubby has never had any problems.

If she is there so little, maybe put the cat in a cattery and blitz the house for the visit.

I’m allergic to cats. If my partner got one, that would rule out living together. I’d also have a reaction if he had any dander on him when he visited. Massive PITA for both of us, so it would be a deal-breaker for me.

It would be worse than being with a smoker.