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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some advice please

5 replies

Hidingcro · 02/09/2018 21:50

Have discovered my H has been making contact with escorts and tbh it's the tip of the bloody iceberg. He doesn't know that I know yet as I don't know what to do on a practical level. Relationship wise, we're done and I have no interest in continuing with it. We have 3 DC ages 7, 4 & 3, live in very overcrowded conditions and I've been a SAHM since DD was born 7 years ago. So I'm already on the back foot in terms of where we live, it's not as simple as asking him to move out as we need to sell and move but I won't be able to get a mortgage alone. And once he's paying me maintenance for the DC where will he live? I know I probably shouldn't concern myself with this but it makes me feel incredibly guilty to think of him alone and regretful.
Plus DS4 is about to start school and he's such a sensitive boy I hate to rock the boat.

I suppose what I'm asking is, I know I need to get my ducks in a row as the saying goes, but what actually are those ducks and how sorted do I need to be before I jump? I'm so worried about screwing everything up for everyone, I'm doing nothing.

OP posts:
LusaCole · 02/09/2018 21:52

Is there any chance you could go back to work? That would be the best 'duck' if it's possible for you.

Hidingcro · 02/09/2018 22:00

I'm in the process of starting up a business but obviously that will take time to get going. But overall, childcare costs are too prohibitive in my area for me to work anything other than school hours unfortunately.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 02/09/2018 22:04

Tell him to leave. Where he goes is not your problem. You have nothing to feel guilty for so snuff out any compassion you have for him. Claim until you are back on your feet.

Musti · 02/09/2018 23:55

Look at what you'd be entitled to from benefits and what he'd have to pay in child maintenance.

TheMonkeyMummy · 02/09/2018 23:57

Check out league of coats thread. Will see if I can link it

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