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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So lonely

17 replies

RainbowPainter · 02/09/2018 21:19

I have no idea who to turn to or what to do. I have been with my df for 20 years, both been through a lot, 2 dc (10 & 4) he used to have an addiction to prescription painkillers which i thought was under control (after receiving professional help) a couple of days ago i found heroin in his trouser pocket. To say im devastated is an understatement, i feel like such a fool, how could i not have known. He swears he is coming off it now but the lies just seem to continue. I love him so much but how do i rebuild trust after this, i feel like i will constantly wondering if he is lying. He wont talk things through but wont agree to me talking to anyone else. I have never felt so alone. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Isitovernow · 02/09/2018 21:27

Oh I feel for you. I just wanted to respond so you'd feel less alone even though I don't have the answers. Is there someone you could talk to soon or a therapist? Flowers

Original poster
RainbowPainter · 02/09/2018 21:38

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, i am to ashamed to talk to family or friends as i cant get my head around how i didnt know. Just dont know if i can see a way through this which is breaking my heart

OP posts:
Isitovernow · 02/09/2018 22:19

I don't think you should be in any way ashamed. You're his partner, not a detective. Reach out to someone. You'll feel better. Maybe try writing it all down too & then burning the letter. That can help. You're not alone. Flowers

ahouseofleaves · 02/09/2018 23:15

Wow, I'm sorry! Don't have any advice, but I wanted to offer support.

Original poster
RainbowPainter · 03/09/2018 04:28

Thank you

OP posts:
adayatthebeach · 03/09/2018 04:33

He needs help people don’t get off that drug on their own. Sorry your in this position. Flowers

RainySeptember · 03/09/2018 05:00

What evidence can he show you that he's coming off it, that he's getting professional support? Was it a quantity that suggests using rather than dealing? I would be beyond furious that he'd brought it into my home, to within reach of my kids. I don't think you should feel ashamed, you need rl support and agree with pp who suggested you reach out to someone.

Original poster
RainbowPainter · 03/09/2018 07:19

Definitely not dealing, it was a tiny bit but the fact that he would bring any into the house is as bad to me as finding out he was using. I am really struggling to get my head around it all, he is still functioning as normal, going to work playing with the kids. The whole thing has made me feel sick, how could i not know? Thank you to everyone who has replied

OP posts:
RainySeptember · 03/09/2018 07:22

I wish I could help more op but I just don't have the experience of it, and don't want to say the wrong thing. I doubt you will be able to do this by yourself, and neither will he. I think you need professional support, and a friend to talk to too. I hope someone more useful comes along soon.

Isitovernow · 03/09/2018 18:43

I hope you reach out to a family member, friend and/or seek professional support. I rang the Samaritans once on a very low Sunday. There is always someone to talk to. During tough times, if you feel you can't talk to friends and family, it's perfectly normal to reach out to a compassionate stranger. Extending you all of my compassion. Flowers

Ellen7262 · 03/09/2018 18:52

I'm so sorry OP Thanks. I know it's not the news you want but you cannot stay with somebody who brings heroin into the house. You need to do the right thing, for the sake of your DC. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do. Maybe in the future if he gets himself together you can move past this, but for now you have to think of your children. Surround yourself with people you can trust, and can rely on xx

crappyday2018 · 03/09/2018 19:27

There are lots of other posts on here about being with addicts - drugs or alcohol. I have just ended things with an alcoholic (only together 7 months though). The advice you will get on here is to get out of this relationship. Addicts lie and cheat and will only get help for themselves.
For the sake of your DC, you cannot have him around. He will drag you and them down with him.

RainbowPainter1 · 03/09/2018 19:55

Sorry had a panic and deleted my account. Just came back to thank and update you all. Found out he went and bought more today. My heart is broken but it is not something i can live with. Thanks again for all the replys

Needhelpasking4help · 03/09/2018 20:08

Oh no, I'm so sorry. What is happening now?

RainbowPainter2 · 03/09/2018 20:23

He has gone, i am beyond devastated but he just blew his one and only chance. I cant believe it but will now have to pick myself up somehow. No idea where to start but have no choice but to pull myself together for the dc. Haven't yet told them he has gone but think i need time to calm down so i can tell them without crying

Ellen7262 · 03/09/2018 20:33

Oh no @RainbowPainter! Don't worry it will be okay. Take some time to calm down and breathe. It will be okay. Don't delete your account, it's okay to use this thread to rant if you need it. Relax, pull yourself together. Get some sleep if you can. Talk to DC when you are calmer and can explain it to them properly without being so upset yourself. It will be okay Thanks

Ellen7262 · 03/09/2018 20:33

Jesus how many times could I say it will be okay in one post! But it will be xx

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