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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel crap. Am I BU or is this unfair. Sorry might me rambly

18 replies

Wheresmyluckystar · 02/09/2018 19:06

Been seeing a guy just under a year and things seemed to be going quite well until recently and I don’t know if it’s me overthinking or is he being unfair?
We had issues over a female friend of his and I felt he wasn’t being upfront and we argued. He just assumed that plans we’d had later that week would then not go ahead.

This was a few weeks ago. Then we argued last weekend and he was shouting at me saying I’m a fucking nightmare and would I just drop it (he brought it up because he was going to show me something on his phone and then when I leaned over he clutched it away saying it’s none of my business what’s on his phone and he’d show me the thing when he’d opened it. He said I was looking to see if she’d texted him). He told me he’s “not discussing this (her) again.”
So I was a bit annoyed at that (him swiping the phone away) and said so and he told me to just fucking drop it. He ranted at me for a good 20 minutes 😔
Anyway he apologised the next day and said he was tired and grumpy...
So we were supposed to be going out for dinner tonight for my birthday and we ended up arguing this morning about her... so he said he was sick of it and cancelled our plans. The thing is I still don’t really know what happened (he says nothing and I’ve just to believe him) or the nature of this friendship and it does niggle at me. He has other female friends who don’t give me that feeling. Am I just paranoid now? I’m not massively happy that whenever we disagree he becomes insulting and dismissive. He says he’s “sick of it” whenever we argue. That and cancelling our plans makes me think I don’t know if we’ve just argued or split up!

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 02/09/2018 19:41

You haven't even been together a year, it shouldn't be this hard.
I don't know the nature of his friendship with this woman but his secretiveness around her doesn't sound great tbh.
He is dismissive when you disagree & by saying he's sick of it he means stfu basically, pretty twattish & coupled with the cancelling plans I'd personally ditch him but I can't be arsed with fuckwits so I may be harsh...

MrsMozart · 02/09/2018 19:49

It's meant to be fun...

Either you trust him in which case get past this; or you don't, in which case part company.

Lifeisabeach09 · 02/09/2018 20:20

Arguing, long rants, hiding his phone, cancelling plans, and ditching you on your birthday are not good signs. It only gets worse.

Go out with your friends tonight and dump him.

gamerchick · 02/09/2018 20:25

It's not supposed to be this hard a year in. Just give it up and dump his arse.

Singlenotsingle · 02/09/2018 20:30

Whoa! Painful and tedious! Where's the fun, the joy, the love? All I can see is suspicion, bad temper, and disappointment. Just let it go....

tootstastic · 02/09/2018 20:35

Another vote for getting out of this relationship now...he sounds inconsiderate and secretive and you sound jealous (perhaps with good reason). None of this should feature in a healthy relationship and especially in such a new relationship.

Freshstart19 · 02/09/2018 20:45

I agree with the others..
Although it's hard to tell who's being U with very little context of the female friend.

He could just be being secretive because he knows how you'll react, or he may have something to hide.

It's really hard to say.

Septembermummy1 · 02/09/2018 20:49

Has she been in the picture the whole relationship? Or is she a new friend ?

Kennycalmit · 02/09/2018 20:51

Get rid

Anyone who swore at me like that would be gone. How disrespectful. DP has never raised his voice at me let alone swore at me, I’m shocked people put up with that

If things were truly innocent he’d be reassuring you nicely, not insulting you and arguing with you. You deserve better

Wheresmyluckystar · 02/09/2018 21:12

Yeah, it's all gone wrong.... They've know each other for a few years but she's only recently got in touch about 3 months ago to chat about her marriage break-up. Since then they've been texting weekly I'd say. In the past two weeks she's suddenly started liking his fb posts - just the odd one here or there but she's gone right back to last year to like one and one before the summer. I think it's that that made me think there's more to it. Also he's not told her he's in a relationship because "its never come up."

He's become less affectionate to me lately i think too. So both things together have made me paranoid probably. I'd texted him to say "Its been 10 months!" with a few kisses and champagne emojis. He replied "Happy 10m x" That made me feel a bit deflated.

Yeah, i think if it was me texting a male friend I'd be really reassuring. I certainly wouldn't swipe my phone away and shout at him, accusing him of snooping. He's more interested in asserting his right to have male and female friends and that he doesn't answer to me, than reassuring me. God reading this back... :(

OP posts:
Septembermummy1 · 02/09/2018 22:21

Definitely get rid it's not worth it from the sounds of it. Anyone who snatches a phone away has something to hide. Red flag right there, and they've suddenly become close again now her marriage has ended all sounds very suspicious to me HmmI would just move on.

TeacupTattoo · 03/09/2018 00:05

It really isn't meant to be this hard!! You should feel utterly cherished, supported and respected in a relationship...both of you.
I had a couple of relationships that ended around the year-mark, at the time they were really difficult to face but I think it was more mourning the possible-relationship rather than the actual-relationship which looking back were not anything like as lovely, simply gently lovely, as the first year with my husband. Good luck.

Mk1234 · 03/09/2018 00:44

Make time for your self and get away from each other for a bit. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

obviousNC101 · 03/09/2018 00:49

You've said it yourself - you're not happy. He sounds like an absolute douchebag. Dump
Him. Please!

RabbitsAreTasty · 03/09/2018 00:50

She's irrelevant.

He's the type to say he's sick of you and rant for 20mins. He is not a keeper. That's your reason for dumping him.

Joysmum · 03/09/2018 08:47

I was going to say exactly the same thing RabbitsAreTasty has.

Things are rarely smooth all the time in a relationship but my advice to everyone is to judge yours based on how you both weather the storms as everyone has a a partner that can be nice and a wonderful relationship when it’s not being tested.

Tbh, your relationship isn’t even being tested that much and he’s already saying he’s sick of you and ranting for 20mins. Imagine how bad he’d be if the shit really hit the fan Sad

Angelf1sh · 03/09/2018 08:53

None of this sounds healthy. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like that.

hammeringinmyhead · 03/09/2018 09:02

I would end it before he does. If she is chatting to him about her divorce the re ia no way his own relationship wouldn't come up. He knows she thinks he is single and so she is probably acting on what she thinks is a potential relationship.

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