OLD - how to find guys who don’t just want sex

[SomewhereNow]

Been doing OLD a while now and literally haven’t met anyone who isn’t just looking for sex, either virtual or irl. I enjoy that side of things as much as anyone but it gets so wearing when you start chatting, they seem interested and then the conversation takes the inevitable turn. Am I doing something wrong? My profile doesn’t suggest I’m looking for that, my photos are clothed and pretty ordinary. I guess I have a naturally flirty way of chatting but I’m trying very hard to reign this in so as not to give the wrong impression. I’m really disheartened and would welcome any advice.

Have you put in your profile what you are looking for.
I would be quite upfront about it:
Looking for X. No interest in Y.
Some of the OLD sites/apps are much more on the 'casual' side so maybe try some different platforms.

I doubt you're doing anything wrong but be upfront about what you're after on your profile. Avoid tinder/bumble and all those shit sites.

I hear you. It's very disheartening.
So @Burp1 @userofthiswebsite what's the recommendation for other sites?

There are plenty of guys out there looking for relationships - I have the opposite problem: I am not looking for a monogamous relationship yet virtually everyone who messages me is.

Be selective about which messages you respond to (i.e. only decent ones with some effort put in and questions based on your profile) and don’t flirt or message sexually suggestively with men you haven’t met, would be my advice. Messaging before a first meet is to establish whether you have enough in common for it to be worth meeting; prolonged, flirty online conversations are going to give the impression that that’s pretty much what you’re looking for.

Watching.

You aren’t the only one, op. I’ve given up for a while because it was making me feel like all men are sick creeps, and it was getting me down.

I’ll have another go after Xmas, see if I can find some different sites.

I'm a man who was looking for a relationship. I've given up online dating now, it's hideous. We are out there. Problem seems to be there are far more men on dating sites than women, so lots of women are inundated with messages and loads of decent guys who aren't just looking for sex get overlooked.

Be picky! I've had two longer term relationships from Tinder, they're definitely not all after one thing. But I was very selective, wouldn't swipe on anyone with poor spelling, punctuation etc, anyone sticking out their tongue in pics, using "lol" and the like. Worked for me!

Do like a magazine and make a Loves, hates list on your profile. For instance if I was looking mine would have

Loves
Nice wine
Good food
Intelligence
Good hair!
Calmness
Box sets
Blokes who can iron

Hates
Right wing views
Obsessive sport
Football /rugby tops on middle aged guys
Guys who turn any chat into about sex before even meeting
Obsessive interest in porn

That should keep away football top wearing, bald, porn obsessives

We are out there. Perhaps just reign in the flirting a bit? FWIW I’ve been dating a lovely lady- we’ve had two dates, a bit of a kiss and cuddle (sorry if tmi) and message each other daily quite a lot. Apart from saying we think each other is hot/gorgeous there has been no overly sexual messages. I’m not looking for that and neither is she, at this stage anyway. So hang in there- there’s way more guys on these sites so you should find someone decent? HTH.

No it's not you, old is infested with delusioy men who think it's a sweetie shop for sex. I have no idea who (if anyone) confirms their assumptions, but I would add clearly in your profile that you are looking for a relay, not casual/hookups/no strings/'adult fun'.

That won't out off a genuine man but will hopefully deter most of the slea🎇

Sleazy chancers

I guess I have a naturally flirty way of chatting but I’m trying very hard to reign this in so as not to give the wrong impression.

You need to stop doing this. There are women out there just looking for sex too and some of the men may be putting you into this box too.

I found with OD, I did no sexy talk at all and if a guy was trying sexy talk, I would cut him off as I would not trust his intentions.

So,

No sexy talk/flirty

Cut off the guys who make sexual comments.