Alone and heartbroken

[emilylovestodance]

I’m pregnant with my partner, he’s always been very supportive, attentive and treated me extremely well. We’ve made the decision not to keep the baby as we’re both not in a financial position to, we’re only 22 and I am soon to start a new job in a new city.

Since having found out I’m pregnant he was fine. We were both mutual, then my moods started to get worse and I had terrible sickness. Instead of offering to see me he expected me to drive 50 minutes to his. This made me upset because he knew how poorly I was. I said a few things I regret, mainly on the lines of “I am glad we’re not keeping this baby because I wouldn’t want it with you” this made him really upset and he started to become more distant. I apologised and said it was the hormones talking and not me but he only became more distant and barley spoke to me, and still didn’t offer to see me.

I broke up with him because I felt so alone. I think it was a cry for help. I since regretted it and told him that I felt he wasn’t putting in enough support and effort, and that I acted brashly and regret doing it. He disagrees with me, he believes he has put in enough effort but i've been "biting his head off" so he thought f*ck it. He hasn’t once tried to win me back after I broke up with him. I don't even recognise him anymore. He said he’s just “leaving it down to me” but I don’t know if I want to be with a guy who’s acted so cold towards losing me, especially as he knows I’m going through an extremely hard time with having to terminate our baby and prepare to move to a new city straight after. I miss him so much but at the moment I’m resenting him for him going quiet on me during a vulnerable time. I don’t even know if I would want him back now. We have been the perfect couple up until now.

I've decided not to contact him and assume we are over, unless he contacts me. I am heartbroken. All my friends said he is acting immature and he should be fighting this with me regardless of what hurtful things I might of said. Any advice please

He is acting in an immature fashion but he is only 22. He doesn't understand the emotional and hormonal effects of a termination, not ready to deal with it but in time, he might.

A bit of space will do you both some good. Honestly, I feel for you but promise it will pass.

Every good wish for the future, sounds as though you will have a great future.

It sounds like the breakup was for the best. Somethings you just can't unhear and 'it's the hormones speaking', doesn't quite cut it. I can understand your frustration at his behaviour but your response wasn't much better.

You are both still very young and an unplanned pregnancy can pull a lot of things into sharp focus.

I agree. We both didn't handle it very well. I honestly didn't mean what i said. My moods were crazy and i regret it so much now they have eased a bit.

Not to the labour the point but what you said was really horrible and given your dismissiveness and excuses, no I doubt you get how horrible it was. Then to top it off, then came the petulant manipulative break up. Here’s a tip for the future, try harder not to say or do things you don’t mean.

The relationship suffered a major event which exposed faults that probably pre-dated the termination. Learn from it with a view to letting go.

You are both young and immature.
And - both would hopefully learn from this experience and go on to have other relationships.
It’s a wise decision not to bring a child into this. One day when you are ready - it’ll be different.

Break ups aren’t used as a ‘cry for help’. Break ups are a final nuclear option in a relationship - where you go your separate ways.
Don’t wait for him to ‘fight for you’.
Move on and start your new life.

He's probably struggling too, not easy for either of you to decide to terminate and what you said to him was very cruel.

If you love him then apologise and tell him that you love him and need his support. All the best op