I have to ask dd to move out

[MozzchopsThirty]

Some of you will have seen my holiday posts.
But today I've spoken with ds1 and da2 father and we are both concerned about the effect this is having on them

I'm losing control because she undermines me in front of them
She is using terrible language in front of them and to me (don't get me wrong they hear me swear in the car or about things but not to people)

I'm scared she'll hate me forever and it will ruin our relationship but I can't continue to live in this environment

Bump for advice or encouragement

How old is she? If over 18, YANBU.

If under 18, could she go to live with her DF?

She needs to move out if she cannot be respectful to you in your home.

Does she work?

On a much wider level, how much of an influence has your own mother been on DD1 here?

My mother & dd don't speak anymore

She's 22, about to start a fully funded masters and works 12 hours a week

If she is about to start a masters, then is the ideal time for her to find new digs and take new responsibility for her own grown up life. I would want to help her with basic stuff so she could make it comfortable.

I think I would also tell her that she is welcome for certain meals a week, IF she can be polite & respectful.

And make it clear that if she hits an issue and needs some advice, you are always on the end of a phone.

She's told me it'll be impossible to get uni accommodation now as it's September and they don't prioritise post grad students

Not your problem - she’ll be able to find a room in a shared house somewhere, I’m sure.

I did read your last post & I think this is the right decision.

She's 22.
Tough if it's not easy to get digs.
She best get looking.
Hard and fast!!!!!
Give her 2 weeks notice.
Then she needs to be gone.
Unless in that 2 weeks she can suddenly turn her behaviour around!?
But that's highly unlikely.
It's not like she is unintelligent.

She knows it's wrong and she should be gone ASAP.

I haven't seen your other posts sorry but it sounds like the right thing to do, she is an adult and effecting the rest of the household but you could you perhaps say you will reconsider at Christmas if she can show a massive willing to change her attitude. Obviously that might not work but a short sharp shock is sometimes a good thing.

I think you have to tell her to leave. She's 22 not 5 and her blatant disrespect for you has been shining through on your holiday thread.