Not sure how I feel about this

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Over the years I have written about PoisonousSIL and BoneheadBIL, their incessant Keeping up with The Joneses, remortgaging every 2 or 3 years to go on 'once in a lifetime' holidays, stealing a lot of money from MIL, and a general attitude of utter entitlement all wrapped up in one memorable quote "We live each day like a gift, that's why t is called The Present" [possibly a song lyric, definitely blech ]

Make no mistake, I dislike them both, intensely. For the way they treated me, the way they deliberately lied and connived and successfully isolated DH from the rest of his family after MILS death (BIL is his brother) and their general all round utter selfishness.

And now we find out that SIL has left him. Forced the sale of the house and moved on, we assume the divorce is done/imminent.

Now, I have really conflicted feelings. We only know that SIL got tired of waiting for BIL to be more proactive, stop drinking etc. But as she grew him that way I feel no sympathy for her, she only ended up with the man she trained for 30 years. Nor do I have much sympathy for him as he was only too glad to have someone run his life for him, someone to run his finances and leave him free to enjoy his hobby, mainly drinking (which they both do/did).

But I do sort of feel sorry for her, as one day she must have woken up and looked at him only to see the pathetic manchild I have always seen.

And I do sort of feel sorry for him as she has moved on and bought a new house, and he is in a 1 bed flat and now has to look after himself - he has never in his life not lived with a woman 'doing' for him. He is in his mid 50s. She was his ideal woman, she controlled everything in their lives.

And then I just want to laugh at them, kind of revel in their cummuppence, all that 'karma' for the deliberate acts of yesteryear, all the nasty comments they made.

But I too am in my mid 50s... all of the above is stupid and childish!

And my DH needs some kind of support, as he too is wholly ambivalent about his brother's predicament.

Ye gods, there is so much I haven't included that might better explain how I feel... but I suppose I need someone to tell me I don't have to like either of them, that their life changes are bugger all to do with me and I don't have to 'save' them.

I can't talk to DH, he does talk to me and I reassure him he has every right to feel as he does..

Argh! I don't know. Just rambling now. Sorry!

You don't know how to feel about this?

Seems clear from what you write that you feel pleased and smug about it.

She didn't "grow him that way" his parents did that.

He's not in a predicament as you put it... He's lost his wife....and his home.

That's a life change but it sounds like one was needed. What are you meant to do about it exactly? It's not your life.

Yes, that's what I mean. I can't say/write what I am feeling because, when put in words, it really does sound smug, unpleasant.

But part of me wants to leap and do some 'saving', try to make something better for him... or her... or both! I don't know. The nice person in me wants to forget the last 30 years and to try to build bridges. Though I don't expect either of them would want that, they don't like me/us either, remember!

He is in a predicament. He fell over, drunk, and badly broke his arm, may need a plate on the humerus. He is off work, drinking even more (other SIL keeps us in the loop a little bit) and isn't even beginning to come to terms with it all, though it has been just over 2 years since they separated, living in in the same house.

I'm not pleased and smug, more worried that my real feeling is "so fucking what?" And that is more selfish than I ever thought I was!