Sister in love with recently separated man

[Beeperbird]

Had a call from my sis tonight asking for my advice and no idea what to tell her!
Essentially she’s been best friends with this bloke for years and years, since primary school. He dated, then later married & has had two kids with another one of their friends.
Very very recently he found out his wife is in love with someone else and they’ve separated and plan to divorce.
My sis called me because she met up with him to cheer him up, they got drunk and kissed. She’s been secretly in love with him forever I think. Apparently he’s telling her now that he thinks he loves her and didn’t realise before what was right in front of him.
I’m obv suspicious as I don’t believe he’s ever shown interest before, my sis has never had a serious relationship and I think is getting a bit desperate to settle down and I don’t want her heart to be broken!
My gut says to tell her to not get into this as it’s too messy... would you agree?

I don't think it's your place to say that but you could point out that the relationship is in its infancy and suggest she slow down the pace a bit.

It might work out for them you know but, as you say, his separation is quite recent. He needs time to get over the break up of his marriage.

Having pointed out all that there's not much else you can do except wait and watch. I hope all goes well.

If hes that interested then he will still be that interested in 6/8 months time. Imo hes just after a quick shag to either piss the ex off or get his ego stroked, very messy and your sis will only get hurt.

I dont think this will end well for your sis. As his ex is 'their' friend it's too close for comfort IMO.

Thanks for the thoughts!

@Rebecca36 I get what you’re saying, I feel very protective over her but it is her decision what she does and I don’t want to isolate or upset her if she’s really keen to pursue this relationship

@Phillipa12 good idea to recommend she waits a while and see if the feelings are still there (from both sides!)

@SandyY2K that is absolutely my concern, my sis is good friends with both of the couple so if she did start a relationship with him it’ll be so messy... and with two kids involved too

Just kindly sound your concerns with her, the ex and it's very early stages but ultimately you have to leave her to it and be supportive.

Sounds like the sort of thing which does occasionally work out.

Advise her to go slowly. That's all you can do really. He's just out of a serious relationship, and if he doesn't sort his head out now before getting with her properly (if that's going to happen) it's storing up problems for the future. Tell her what's a few months now waiting if they're destined to have the rest of their lives together. X

If she's been secretly in love with him forever, he may well know that. People often do know when others harbour feelings for them, even if nothing has explicitly been said. So, to look at it cynically, he's on the rebound and has looked to the person he knows won't reject him for a soft landing after a humiliating break up.

On the other hand, maybe he truly does have feelings for your sister. That's possible too. And if she's an adult and she wants to pursue this, she has every right to. I'd be watching through my fingers though tbh.