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Original poster

has anyone had an ex who has remarried?

17 replies

snowwonder · 06/06/2007 21:06

well my birthday was going fab- danced around before school with my girls singing... had a lovely time...dropped the girls to school and nursery,

then my mobile rings at 9.30 am, it is my ex who i never really talk to, he tells me he wants dd for a whole weekend in augast as he is getting married........

this mainly pisses me off as he normally has only one afternoon contact a week and has never wanted a whole weekend contact untill now when it now suits him...

and of course i am also very upset about the whole thing we have only been spilt 23 months...

i actually still cant believe what i heard him say....on my birthday...

OP posts:
floo · 07/06/2007 00:06

Happy birthday snowwonder, wow you are well rid of your exdp in my opinion. What a insensitive pig. What did you say in reply.

DrippingLizzie · 07/06/2007 00:10

My DH's ex-wife married his BROTHER last year. Never thought I'd be marrying into the fuckin' Clampett family. And we truly, truly despise each other so it's been fun, I can tell ya...

floo · 07/06/2007 00:17

Wow, DL I'd grab DH and run to the hills if I was you.

DrippingLizzie · 07/06/2007 00:28

Anything to get away from that awful banshee who is now my SISTER IN LAW and my kids' AUNTIE! Arrrrghhhhgghhh make it stop...

northstar · 07/06/2007 00:49

Are you going to agree?

northstar · 07/06/2007 00:49

To your dd going for a whole weekend I mean.

eidsvold · 07/06/2007 04:13

my ex had an affair with and then ran off ( literally) with my best friend. They got married just over a year after we split and very soon after we divorced.

Boobsgonesouth · 07/06/2007 06:01

..I caught ex DH having "affairs various" whilst working away....we divorced in the September - decree absolute came through on my birthday - and he married again in the February...we had separated around 6 months before the divorce came through. it was still a shock though, although I would have never wanted to get back with him it felt very disrespectful of the 8 yrs that we had spent together.....I think men probably 'get over" relationships much more quickly and can move on, whereas we remain emotionally raw & tender for much longer

BTW, i remarried too (happily) and now have two wonderful DC so best thing that happened to me !!!

Nightynight · 07/06/2007 06:56

Telling you on your birthday makes no difference. It is just a day of the year, and realistically, he probably didn't remember.

It isn't unreasonable of him to want to get married after 23 months of being single, and it isn't unreasonable of him to want his children there. Really, a weekend is not a terribly long visit, and is not unreasonable (assuming he is not violent/alcoholic/drug taker).

I would look on this as positive progress, and not get wound up by it. Don't dwell on the "it suits him" aspect of it, that way lies madness. There has to be a bit of give and take, even with an ex.
There are advantages to you, of the children going for weekend visits too - what if you meet someone yourself, and want to spend time with them?
I'd start planning now, how I was going to pamper myself/go out on that weekend!

My children are currently with their father, annoyingly I have no money and so am using the time to make up hours at work, for which I get paid. Of course I am missing them, but it would be foolish not to take advantage of the freedom.

Original poster
snowwonder · 07/06/2007 07:16

i agree nightnighty, if i am honest probably on the whole the wedding doesnt bother me, although still a shock,

but he doesnt think of me as i said he has never had weekedn contact before either to enjoy time with the children or to give me a break... and it is obviously now because it suits him, there is no denying that, for 2years he has had 6 hours contact in the afternoon of a week day - never a weekend, i work in the week so it makes no difference to me, during the week,

i have tried to arrangre it differently and get a contact order in place but was informed he would have to be the orgzaniser of this and the only way to push him into doing it would be to stop contact which i couldnt do as it would upset everyone

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 07/06/2007 07:34

Both me and DH have ex partners. No kids involved in mine and it didn't bother me when he re-married. DH has a son whom he sees once a week. His ex has re-married and he was thankful someon had taken her. TBH I don't see the problem with him wanting to see your DD, I think you are just pissed off with him and jealous that he wants to take your DD to his wedding and the fact that he's getting married. I don't mean that in a horrid way but I think that in the back of your mind thats perhaps how you feel. You really should be thankful that he has continued to play a part in your DD's life and that he would like to take her. Not all people are like that. I think you should set aside your feeling and let her go otherwise you may be seen as preventing her from going out of spite etc. Rise above your feelings, you have no reason as far as I can see, to stop her from attending.

Nightynight · 07/06/2007 07:56

goodness - does that mean that you haven't had a break for 2 years, snow?
I must admit, as a single parent I cant do without breaks from my children. For example, yesterday I sorted out some stuff about child benefit, and about my pension, that I could not have tackled with the children in the house (am usually too tired last thing at night)

do you think this is the first of future weekend visits, or a one off?

mylittlestar · 07/06/2007 08:20

snowwonder just found this

I'm not the right person to advise as I have no idea how I'll cope if and when this happens to me. Just wanted to add my support.

Have you decided what you'll do yet?

eidsvold · 07/06/2007 09:16

second what others have said - plan a weekend of pampering and taking care of YOU after being so busy taking care of your girls.

i have no probs with ex marrying ex best friend. I am now married to a fab dh and have three gorgeous girls.

Probably like some people he did not even remember it was your birthday - perhaps and so was not really meaning to be horrible.

mankyscotslass · 07/06/2007 10:21

Since your x has obviously not spent enough time with your daughter in the last two years for her or you to be comfortable with a sudden weekend away, why not suggest that if he wants her that long then he is going to have to step his contact up to include regular overnight stays prior to the wedding. It's not fair to your dd that she is suddenly expected to be a trophy in a pretty dress for one weekend! Sound as reasonable as possible, say that you are concered cos he dosnet haver her overnight, and say you have a plan worked out that would allow your dd to feel happy for the weekend....wonder how keen he will be then....

macdoodle · 07/06/2007 12:09

hey thats a good idea say he has to have AT LEAST one weekend a month before the wedding so he and she are used to overnight visits and to continue after (then she will be ok and you benefit as well) - must say the best thing about me and DH living apart is that every other week I get a night to myself and a lie in (much as I love DD a breakfrom the never ending routine is wonderful)

Original poster
snowwonder · 07/06/2007 13:23

ohoh macdoodle that lie in sounds like bliss- maybe one day i will get it.....

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