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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce in UK advice needed!

8 replies

Irinn · 01/09/2018 19:57

Hi everyone!))
I'm going to get divorced in nearest future. My future ex husband doesn't know yet (I mean he can assume that, but nothing was discussed yet).
I'd like to ask you to share your experience regarding how complicated process is, how long it takes and as I guess we won't agree on anything, how much will cost a lawyer?
We have a 1yo baby, Im not from England, my husband is British. I just recently got a job which starting in September with a salary about 2K a month net, which won't be enough to cover rent and baby expenses on my own, my husband is strong financially - earn 7-8K a month gross. I would gladly come back to my country, but only with baby, will court allow that?

Going to divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour: he is abuser by multiple means (I had a post about how he is trying to make me give for our expenses almost all my salary), apart of that few days ago he said that he actually didn't want to get married and live together (it was during the fight, but he still didn't apologise and its not the first time he is saying that, so probably he mean it), he is going out when he wants and staying out as long as he wants and getting drunk to unconscious condition, even today, when our baby is sick, he went out without telling me anything and said that its ok if i'll be home on my own with kid as his flu is mild (since when continuous fever 39+ is mild?), and so on. He doesn't have any respect for me, whatever I do is bad, what don't do also bad, trying to drop on me fault for everything, especially regarding finance, like its my fault that he didn't make any savings (he is forgetting that he spent half of his yearly income on lawyers as he wanted to start a case against one company), that me starting working is just causing expenses as salary is too low and as its around payment for nursery and nursery full time we start because I'll work, so my income doesn't count towards family income (I'm very good with math and this marasmic statement drives me crazy). Also he is quite aggressive - he likes to drop things around if he can't find something (of course because of me) or if something doesn't work, swearing a lot even next to the baby.

We were living in different countries until the baby was born and I believe that he played me, as when I was in my country, he didn't behave like that ever. As soon as I went on maternity leave, it became worse, after baby was born, even more worse, after I cancelled my work contract, worse and worse and as soon as I moved here disaster started and now it got its top and I can't handle it anymore.

On top of everything he has 3 other children from 3 different women, which live in different countries. The youngest one is not much older than our son and he was in touch with that lady all the time, when meanwhile was telling me that they don't talk at all. He was even inviting her to come to London without telling me a word. Anyway, thats different subject, but after I found out about that I can't be with him anymore.

So I have million of reason to finish that, I just don't know how to do that. I'm literally crying every night in pillow, blaming myself for making such stupid thing as leaving job, carrier opportunities, family, friends, home for life with him. And the worst is that I was saying him few times earlier that I will leave, on what he said that I can go where I want, but baby will stay here as baby is British citizen. Its terrible to give him access to any baby!

I'll be happy to get any advice on how it can be done.
Thanks))

OP posts:
Goldilocks3Bears · 02/09/2018 00:50

Hi honey - I read your other post. My divorce cost a total of 35k split roughly between us and took two years.
Initial advice will cost you 200-500 pounds.

Funicorn · 02/09/2018 08:17

35K is not the usual . Don't panic !Mine cost about 2k.

OP you can get a free 30 mins of advice with a sol . Go to a few and see what they say . Do some information gathering . Read a book about it . Lots of advice on line but of course each case is slightly different.

Divorce in UK advice needed!
Goldilocks3Bears · 02/09/2018 10:42

@funicorn - with the level of aggro this man is giving her and the likely hood of this being a mess, she’s be lucky to make it to Xmas on £2k

Lifeisabeach09 · 02/09/2018 10:57

If I was in your situation, OP, I'd book a flight with the baby back to my own country.
Does baby have a passport?

Lifeisabeach09 · 02/09/2018 10:59

And you will be able to manage on 2K net per month for you and baby plus child support from ex. You may be eligible for government help with childcare costs.

Irinn · 02/09/2018 12:42

oh my! 35K sounds not very good

OP posts:
Irinn · 02/09/2018 12:47

@Lifeisabeach09 yes, baby has a passport. Im not sure if they ask in airport permission from husband, didn't find exact information...
I'm considering that as its the easier option, if I wouldn't get job offer few months ago, I'd do that. And probably had to as this job just made things worse.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 02/09/2018 15:59

I can only speak for myself but I've never been asked about father's permission when travelling with my daughter within the EU. To places like Canada, I have been asked.

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