Unsure about new relationship

[Ellen7262]

Background: have a DD aged 2, her dad is an arse and has gone NC with her since getting new girlfriend pregnant. He didn't treat me very well, so after that relationship ended I was left feeling very insecure and not in a great place mentally.

Been seeing this guy 6 months now, and he is just SO lovely. We haven't had 'the chat' yet, but I know he is keen for us to make it official and it is me stopping that going ahead tbh. He treats me like a queen, he's never let me down, I've never even heard him raise his voice once, he's always polite to waiters and shop assistants (big thing for me) and he's just a genuinely great guy. I really do like him. He's now getting eager to meet DD but I am absolutely terrified for some reason.

I like him a lot, but since my last relationship my insecurities are almost taking over my life. I'm scared he's going to turn out not so lovely in the end, I'm scared he'll cheat on me, I'm basically just scared it will end up like my last relationship.

Do I just take the plunge and let him meet DD? Or do I hold back some more? I don't think I can keep this wall up that I have much longer because he really is amazing and I want to let him in, I'm just...reluctant.

If it’s too soon for you then it’s too soon. That’s absolutely fine. He sounds lovely but you need to ask him not to put pressure on you about this. It’s too important. In my last relationship my OH had young children. I never met them and we were together just under a year. Neither of us felt ready to take that next step and we were right because it didn’t work out in the end. When the time is right you’ll know

Nothing wrong with being reluctant, it's your child. There's no rush is there?

@JK1773 I suppose you're right, there is no rush. I'll have to trust my gut. I just don't want to be one of those mothers who has a new guy meeting her child every other week. Thank you ❤️

I just don't want to be one of those mothers who has a new guy meeting her child every other week.

Focus on sorting your own life out rather than judging women who make different choices to you.

There's no need for them to meet. You've got all the time in the world. There's a fair amount of subconscious pressure in our culture to rush to create this new "happy family" when you're a lone parent... But you don't have to bow to it. It's nonsense imo. DD can be your focus. I've made similar choices with my DC and it's worked out fine. I was tentative for well over a year with my dp... Met kids at about 18 months... They still don't spend more than a couple of hours a week together at most, maybe a holiday once a year. That's enough and it's really ideal for us.

Don't worry about what you should do. Do what you want to do, do what's right for you.

@Bombardier25966 my life is sorted out, thank you for your concern. My mother had a new boyfriend 3/4 times a year and each one we had to call dad. That's not healthy for any child to have to go through.

Thanks @DonkeyPlease! I'm just going to see how I feel when the time comes. I'm glad you have found something that works for you!

Take things at your pace. If he's as lovely as you say, he'll understand.

Have you done any work in counselling or self help to better recognise red flags in future relationships?