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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

More than friends - how to know?

10 replies

PurpleCurtains · 01/09/2018 11:08

If you're really close to someone of the opposite sex, how do you ever know if it's 'more' or not? Have you ever been in that situation and what happened?

I just can't tell and want to know without explicitly saying anything as that would make things weird and the friendship means a lot to me so don't want to lose it. He contacts me all the time, we talk most days, and do lots of things together - a catch up at least once a week just us, and usually something on the weekend once every few weeks. We share a lot about our lives, stuff we don't tell other people. He tells me things he says he doesn't usually talk about, and brings up DTD a lot - not in a seedy way, but it comes up in conversation a lot, including asking me in the past about my history etc.

But - never anything physical, never touch. We talk a lot about past relationships, but nothing present. He's pretty forthright when asking women out and he's never made a move or anything.

What are you experiences?

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 01/09/2018 11:15

and brings up DTD a lot - not in a seedy way, but it comes up in conversation a lot, including asking me in the past about my history etc.

Eugh no. Outside of a GUM clinic appointment, it's no one's business

SuperSuperSuper · 01/09/2018 11:18

I thought the first paragraph sounded positive but then you mentioned that he is usually forthright, which makes me think that he's happier as your friend than as your DP. You may be firmly in the friend zone.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've both had a couple of drinks and it's just the two of you? That would normally be when things happen if the relationship is not truly platonic.

Lifeisabeach09 · 01/09/2018 11:23

Sounds like a friendship.

PurpleCurtains · 01/09/2018 12:01

We’ve been in many situations with drinking before, but nothing has ever happened on either side. Although not recently since we’ve gotten closer

OP posts:
PurpleCurtains · 01/09/2018 12:03

I suspect I am in the friend zone. I think I need to back away before getting hurt. But how?

OP posts:
Shampaincharly · 01/09/2018 12:07

Can you just ask ?

Musti · 01/09/2018 12:07

Sounds like a friendship to me

PurpleCurtains · 01/09/2018 12:13

I don’t want to ask in case it gets weird. I can’t even think how I would?

OP posts:
Shampaincharly · 01/09/2018 13:15

If you are happy as it is then keep it that way . If you want more...maybe it is not the right person or the right time.
Only you can decide what to do .
If you do ask , I know that can be uncomfortable if it is not the result you were looking for. You are right in thinking it might change the relationship you have too.

Musti · 01/09/2018 14:17

I know it sounds childish but have you got a good common friend who could ask him subtly?

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