How to cope with feelings of guilt

[tsonlyme]

Probably not what you’re expecting to read here, there’s no OM or bad behaviour.

I have cancer. What has surprised me is that I feel crushed with feelings of guilt about what this is doing to those around me. My prognosis isn’t great and I don’t believe I will survive this although I will do everything I’m told and hope for the best.

My stupid brain plays scenarios all the time where I see those I love and the impact of my death and beyond and it makes me feel unbearably guilty. My children (19 & 21), my brother, my close friends and then there’s my partner. We’ve only been together two years, early on in our relationship his mum died and he was absolutely floored by it, understandably, and now I’m putting him through the same thing again. I keep thinking that I bet he’s wishing he never met me. He’s been amazing, there at my side every step of the way and it must be so hard on him. He tells me that I have nothing to feel guilty about but that doesn’t make the feelings go away.

How do I cope with feeling this way?

Ahh bless you @tsonlyme. First you get bloody cancer and as if that's not bad enough the guilt trips in makes you worry about everyone else in your life. You sound lovely, I'm sorry you're having to face this, but thankfully not alone. Your man sounds lovely, just what you need and deserve right now, lap him up and take everything he is giving you.

I think the guilt is understandable but a real bummer to deal with on top of everything else. Do you have a Maggie's centre or cancer support nurse you can talk to about this?

Maybe you would benefit from some counselling, someone you can be be truly honest with about your feeling who's not going to say 'don't be silly'? Sometimes talking irl can help. Good luck x

Thanks Souper
I’m trying to access counselling through Macmillan and another local cancer centre but the waiting lists are awful. I’ll look into finding some privately if I can’t get something very soon.

Hi tsonlyme, firstly I am very sorry that you are in this really shitty situation. That said, please try and stay positive, easier said than done but great things can and do happen.

I have been on the other side of this, twice infact. My first DH of 20 plus yrs passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly when our youngest was 10 yrs old. Massive shock to everyone but life went on and we all pulled together.

5 yrs later DP was diagnosed with cancer. We stayed positive and now, 3 yrs post opp he is getting on with life and and we are very happy.

I know it could revisit at some point, but refuse to dwell on it.

Never, not once, have I held him responsible for what life has thrown at us.

Your DP sounds like a real good un, please cherish every day and let him be your strength. I wish you all the best with your treatment and will keep everything crossed for you that you can come through this, you are stronger than you think.

Thank you Cherryberry and I’m sorry you’ve been through so much

Hi I'm very sorry to hear that and just wanted to say that I believe this is perfectly normal for someone in your situation . A good friend of mine was like this when she was ill and had some sessions of hypnosis which helped. Another friend of mine is doing a mindfulness course in connection with her illness. Both of my friends are still here and only in the aftermath have been able to talk about it. They couldn't at the time . Best of luck tsonlyme x