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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Online dating

14 replies

Elizabeth245 · 31/08/2018 22:07

So after a horrible break up and being taken advantage off by my ex of 5 years, I dipped my toe into the world of online dating (I’m a 30 y/o female). I started speaking to this guy (I initiated contact) and we got on great, we flirted, our messages were always long and interesting, we made eachother laugh and I could tell he liked me as he would always try and keep the conversation going and wanted to meet up. We spoke for about two weeks and then arranged a date for tomorrow, I hadn’t heard much because he was working today but we did speak throughout the day. He was a little off and short this morning and when I messaged him he said he was having a rubbish day but made a suggestion to do something fun tomorrow. I messaged him to ask where we should meet and hadn’t heard back for about 5 hours. I went onto FB tonight (this was where we were talking as we both checked out each others profile to make sure we were who we said we were) and all was legit. Then I find he’s blocked me on fb, deleted me from the online dating app and blocked my number so my texts are not even getting through. I don’t understand. I haven’t done anything. I feel silly and betrayed. I genuinely started to like him and thought he liked me too, from the way he was acting. What could have happened here? Surely if he had a change of heart about meeting he could have just told me instead of make me feel like this and block me on every single route possibles

OP posts:

fiercelikefrida · 31/08/2018 22:17

Could be he changed his mind or got what he viewed as a better other. Or he could have a girlfriend or be married, and she's found out so he's blocked you. I've caught out a few men who are married so it's not uncommon.

Start talking to a few men at a time because it's not uncommon for some to disappear or lose interest suddenly.

Online dating can be brutal.

fiercelikefrida · 31/08/2018 22:18

*better offer

Sparrowlegs248 · 31/08/2018 22:18

Lucky escape there I think. I really don't understand why people do this. Utter cowards. How hard is it to send a text/message to say "really sorry, I've had a change of heart/whatever and I won't be meeting with you now

Original poster

Elizabeth245 · 31/08/2018 22:43

I genuinely really liked him, things felt promising and I loved hearing from him and I now just feel very deflated. Especially after my previous relationship. To ghost someone and block them on every single avenue possible all at once for no reason is cowardly, but does nothing for my self esteem or confidence which took a battering during my previous relationship. I was really looking forward tomorrow, had booked a hair appointment etc and now I just feel really stupid

OP posts:

meowimacat · 31/08/2018 22:50

This is all very normal in online dating sadly. Even after dates sometimes you can just never hear from them again. What you need to do is not invest in one guy. I know it's awful to feel like you can't, but it's realistic. In the two weeks you and this guy were speaking he could have gone on dates most nights, he could have met someone else that he got along with and was going to give it a go with. He could have just decided he got bored...after a couple of weeks of chatting a lot of people just get bored and find someone new who wants to meet up sooner and it's more interesting.

Take a break if you need to but know this happens to all of us. What you need to do next is not invest in one man again. Chat to many, and try and arrange dates sooner than later. I find if I don't have childcare for 2 weeks then I won't use the dating apps until nearer the time that I would be free for a date.

Go to the hair appointment tomorrow, get yourself looking great. Take some new pics for your dating profile and get back out there. Just because you spoke to this STRANGER for two weeks who doesn't know you and hasn't even met you. It means nothing that he blocked you other than he is a coward and clearly wouldn't have treated you right had you gone out with him. Try and make alternate plans for tomorrow, see if a friend is free. But most importantly don't take it personally, it really is just how it is unfortunately.

Goldilocks3Bears · 31/08/2018 22:52

All talk and no trousers. Forget him.

This sort of behaviour is sadly commonplace in online dating. Don’t give so much of yourself so soon. He sounds like the love bombing sort and you’ve had a lucky escape.

SavageBeauty73 · 31/08/2018 23:48

Happens all the time. Even after a good date. It's why I'm having a break from online dating. It's soul destroying

dragonflyflew · 31/08/2018 23:59

Cunty behaviour but not unusual at all. you have done NOTHING wrong and you've had a lucky escape.
Please don't question your behaviour or try to contact him for answers, he's just bloody rude.
I don't understand why they do this but there's hundreds of threads on here about it and it's happened to me and friends of mine.

PolkaDoting · 01/09/2018 01:22

I genuinely really liked him

No you didn’t, you liked a fantasy version of him you had built up in your head.

Some people enjoy the fantasy of dating but for whatever reason don’t want to take it into reality. He is probably one of those.

I am a really confident person and even I feel terrified the 24 hours before an online date.

Anyone I know who has done a lot of internet dating says to meet quickly and not bother with too much messaging.

benjaminbuttonschild · 01/09/2018 01:35

It's like the trash just took itself out!

Chin up, don't let this deter you OP. t least you haven't wasted a date on this guy. When the right one comes along you'll know

crimsonlake · 01/09/2018 01:46

Put it down to experience and it is nothing personal. As others have said try not to put all your eggs in to one basket and do not build up your hopes. Remember you have had a lucky escape and have found out how unreliable he is before you had even met him, so it would never have worked out. Someone worthy of you is out there. Good luck.

MistressDeeCee · 01/09/2018 03:19

Have you seen the online dating thread? This is quite a common scenario. I'd say married or live-in LTR, or in love with the intrigue of messaging and online flirting, but cold feet when it comes to meeting in real life so, moves onto someone else to start the whole game over again.

Please don't over-analyse this, OP. It's hurtful but you didn't know him really, and tbh given what he's done you had a lucky escape. Onwards and upwards.

You need the hide of a rhino to deal with online dating in these entitled 'its all a great big sweetie shop' times, I think. Join the Dating thread, lots of advice and support over there

LellyMcKelly · 01/09/2018 04:24

He’s probably in a LTR and has chickened out, or his DP found out. I like the expression ‘the trash took itself out’. It’s saved you the bother.

tsonlyme · 01/09/2018 04:38

I think some people (men and women) just like to know that they can pull a date but don’t actually want to go through with it for whatever reason. It’s pretty selfish behaviour once you get to planning a meet but what can you do?

I agree with not investing anything before meeting, when I was dating I had many first dates and not many second because you simply can’t know if there’s any chemistry or connection until you meet, however they present themselves.

Chin up!

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