AIBU - had a tiff and he’s still gone to the pub

[Goldilocks3Bears]

I’m in a long distance relationship and due to other dramas in our respective lives with kids, parents and work we have been unable to see each other for nearly one month. He blew me off yesterday to fix yet another problem for his dad. This is not a first and I got annoyed and it kicked off. Today he apologised and texted like normal.

He is going away with other family tomorrow.

He has now gone to the pub instead of making an effort to see me. He goes every Friday but AIBU to think maybe an exception could be made given we had a tiff over not seeing each other?

Can’t you go to the pub with him?

I wouldn’t have been apologsing If someone got angry about me helping family to be honest!

Sounds like he is content with you at the bottom of his list.
Is the relationship really enough for you?

Yanbu.
Can't stand it went the other partner in a relationship makes 0 effort. You want to see your partner you do. If you don't, you do exactly what yours has.
You need to decide if you can be arsed with this anymore.

Sorry Op

But you sound way down his list of priorities

He is just not that in to you

It’s really very clear

I’m sorry though

Spot on everyone. He didn’t suggest I come over either (it’s a bit of a trek as we’re long distance) and he has only gone for a few as it’s an early start but ffs.

The list thing is also spot on but I’m finding it hard to dump someone because his family need him as it’s one of his qualities I like. Just need to find a way to get up that list I suppose (sips wine)

'Just need to find a way to get up that list I suppose (sips wine)'

You really don't

I’m on the list. In fact the list thing came up when he had a storming argument with one of his kids and told them in no uncertain terms that I was on that list and they better get used to it.

Trying to understand the man cave pub thing though - don’t get it.

Oh

He’s back from the pub so went for one maybe two. Still annoyed.

But how will you work up this list that will have his parents and children (quite rightly) before you?

@tissuesosoft the joys of divorced dating and if anyone has the answer please help!

Between us we have a lot of kids, parents, step parents, our own sets of friends, and work. Quality time is thin.

This is the very reason why i wouldnt start a LDR. Once you get a bit older, have kids, careers, elderly parents anf your own life carved out dating is tricky. Throw a long distance into that and its near on impossible to conduct a relationship.
I dont think he is in the wrong for helping his Dad, going to the pub or taking a break with family. On the other hand nor do i think you are in the wrong to want more or want to se him after no actual rl contact for a month.
I just think you arent right for eachother, no matter how much you feel for eachother it seems quite clear that your lives dont fit together.
Rather than try and work up that list (in reality how would you even do this) instead i would just accept it isnt working and cut my losses.

Planning how you can “work your way up his list”

Doesn’t that tell you all you neee to know.

Your responses would indicate you don’t want to hear what is abundantly clear to everyone on this thread

He's just not that into you.

You shouldn’t have to work your way up any list. If someone is important enough to me I’d make time for them, no question about it

You shouldn’t have to work your way up any list. If someone is important enough to me I’d make time for them, no question about it

Yep, sorry OP.

Mars and venus isnt it... after a row women tend to want to re-bond immediately (hysterical or otherwise),men want a bit of space to be autonomous as rowing and discord signals a threat best avoided. Once you get how we're different you either work with it or you get stressed out. Eventually after time I think men who feel safe in a relationship realises they're stronger as a team and snap back round a lot quicker. It took about two years for my now husband. Now our rows are done and dusted in no time and we back team up because that's our default position. Intimacy and trust just take time to grow though don't they for both sexes.

@onemansoapopera ain’t that the truth! We’ve both had to get used to very open and direct conversation after both being with partners for 20 years who sulked and didn’t get things dusted off. Luckily he called before bedtime and we had a good chat. Back on track.