Just to give some background. I don’t trust my husband at all after his behaviour in the past. He has been on AdultWork (escort site). When I discovered this and spoke to him he said he had looked at a few photos. Another time a video. I don’t believe that as he kept spending money to buy credits. He doesn’t go on it now but has never apologized and then when I pointed out to him recently that I had read in the local paper that the police had been monitoring this site for a year because of trafficking. He didn’t care and said every man does it and I should just accept it.
We have been married five years, I found out after we were married that he had been dating another woman the same time as me for a while. He even sent us the same Valentine card! No imagination. Also he had been writing to so called ‘Russian women’ while we were dating, saying the same things to them as he said to me.
I am fretting over his recent behaviour now, but don’t know if I am over re-acting. A few months ago he received a message from a female ex work colleague. He is retired and hasn’t worked with her for 12 years. He seemed very pleased to hear from her and they chatted for a while. Mostly about their time at work together. I knew she was his friend on Facebook before all this, he told me she was just someone he had worked with and that was it. Anyway he suggested they meet up for coffee and a chat as he put it. She liked that idea. Before they had chance to arrange it he had to change his email provider and lost all is Facebook friends. They are now back in touch on Messenger again. In the meantime he has been diagnosed with cancer and has had an operation not long ago. He can’t drive at the moment but told her when he was mobile again he hoped they would be able to meet. He hasn’t mentioned any of this to me and I doubt he will. She seemed delighted he has asked her and said she would love that and thanked him for asking her. Her husband works abroad. He has her on his special birthday list which is mostly family and very close friends. What is really bothering me is in his latest message he said whatever happened she would always have his love. Is this appropriate, would people normally say this to an ex colleague?
This week there has been more to worry me. A few months ago he contacted a firm that searches for long lost relatives and friends. I never knew who he was looking for until a few days ago. He didn’t go through with it because it was too expensive. Now he has joined a group on Facebook friends past and present from the area where he grew up. He asked if anyone knew his old sweetheart from his teens and said he had been searching for her. So that was it, and why he didn’t tell me. One lady was in her class at school and he asked her if she had any photos with her on. She put an old school photo on and he was thrilled. She said she would send him a hard copy if he wished, he jumped at the chance. He said he often thought about this girl and when he saw the photo he said he couldn’t tell her how wonderful it was to see it. Although it is many years he has never forgotten her. In the latest message he told the lady it would mean a lot to him to have the photo and he is going to persevere with trying to find her. He has told me none of this, everything is behind my back. I know these things because he left his Facebook page open but hadn’t realized and I’ve not told him I’ve seen it all. I don’t feel I can discuss it while he is ill, but I am upset about it all, and him keeping it a secret. Why is he searching for an old sweetheart? Our marriage has been in trouble for quite a time and there has been no sex for 18 months and infrequent before that, down to him. He is ill now but wasn’t then, just not interested. Sorry this is long. What I want to know is am I over reacting to it all.