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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know its nothing to do with me but its winding me up so much

4 replies

lifesteeth · 06/06/2007 17:18

My mum is one of these people that pretends to like things just to please other people...this is especially true with her husband, for some mad reason she changes her opinion on everything so that it matches his, she hates the adverts he hates (which is the kind of adverts she used to love), she dislikes the same films as him, loves the same films as him, dislikes the same people as him, loves the same people as him...it drives me nuts.

Anyway she's been saying for years that she really wants to start going abroad, they're not short of money and in the 14 years they have been together they have been abroad once and that was only because his parents wanted us all to go abroad together.

She desperately wants to see China, Japan, Austria etc and apparantly he does too but every year without fail he books a fortnight on the narrowboats which allows them to see the British canals and thats about it. It costs them about £2k each time so its the only holiday they get but its the same each year "we're definately going abroad this year" (2 days later) "we've booked the narrowboats for this year..." it makes me so cross as I feel she is missing out, she's in her 50's and I can see her sat there at 80 saying "I really wish we'd gone abroad when we said we wanted to" etc.

Anyway after a long conversation she told me she definately wanted to go abroad to China next year, she was all set to get her passports sorted out this year in preperation. anyway I've just been speaking to her and she said something about when they go on the narrowboats next year, I said "I thought you were going abroad next year?" and she replied "oh, err...yeah we were going to but George wanted to book the narrow boats...but I like them too, I like the narrow boats..."

I know its nothing to do with me but its upsetting me that she's missing out like this, it makes me angry that he ignores the fact that she's missing out too.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 06/06/2007 20:20

That's frustrating but maybe it's not that important to her?

I do agree she sounds a tad insecure in her opinions though. Perhaps you could help her foster better confidence - what's to stop you going on holiday - abroad - with her - even if it's just for a weekend?

ernest · 06/06/2007 21:02

could you go to china with her? Maybe he's terrified of flying or going abroad and doesn't want to admit it and she's being supportive?

We live in Switzerland. My dh really wants his nan to come and visit us here. His grandparents are now in their 80's. She really wants to come, but grandad is scared of flying, not that he'd admit it. And she won't come without him. So that's that.

I can understand why you feel sad for her, but maybe there are hidden reasons? Try to explore ways round it, like her going without him, or with a group tour etc

lifesteeth · 06/06/2007 21:15

I don't think he's scared of flying as he went to Gran Canaria when they first met and before they met he went to Africa on his own...I think he's just being selfish because he's obsessed with Narrowboats and doesnt think about anyone else when he books them every year. Their 13 year old daughter is a huge animal lover, my mum wanted to take her to Florida but he said "no we'll wait until she's old enough to remember it" (this was when she was 6 so fair enough) but now whenever anyone asks its "we're waiting until she's old enough to remember it" she's 13!!! and then you get "well we're not great theme park lovers anyway..." so we say "there is alot more to Florida than theme parks so she says "yeah but George doesnt fancy it" .

I went to London with her last year for a week, "george didnt fancy london" but I did and I knew she wanted to go so I booked it. She loved it and said she really wanted to travel as she'd enjoyed it so much.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 06/06/2007 21:18

Sounds like a mum and daughter trip and possibly a gran, mum and daughter trip, is in order then.

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