I’ve posted on here a good few times with advice on my relationship, and soon realising I was in a very unhealthy abusive relationship. I started my journey of trying to end this for the second time in October and the third and final time in March. But it has been and continues to be a journey.
My ex was controlling, belittling, name caller constantly put down and critisised, isolated from friends and family, blackmailed into sex and then there was his angry side and then list goes on. Worse of all we have a 7 year old son who has grown up witnessing this behaviour.
However I have now left. It has been and continues to be the hardest thing I have done. It started in the New year when I finally confided in a friend, she has been my rock. I’ve had 8 week counselling which really worked for me, I know it’s not for everyone but this really helped me see clearly when I was making the hardest decisions. I have felt the lowest I have felt during this break up. I have at times felt suicidal, thankfully for me, these have only been horrid desperate thoughts which I haven’t acted on. My ex was complete text book, he tried to keep me playing along in the cycle, when I didn’t play how he wanted, he really turned. He has done things to me I never thought he would. Violence infront of our son, petrifying me making me scared for my life but at the same time feeling that low I wish he would end it. After the first violent attack I was scared, he comforted me, he told me things would get better, he would then have sex with me. This was a new confusing cycle. The first time I went to the police I wouldn’t give a statement, terrified of him getting in trouble, because I went with visable injuries they took it into their own hands. When he was release he went mad, threatened to kill me, I was to scared to speak up again. As well as him telling me I had betrayed his trust talking with the police, hi parents supported him, they would come to the house and tell me I should be doing as he says to stop this happening again. I knew I couldn’t give up for my son. I couldn’t let him have only there influence. The months slowly passed, at this point we were still at times sharing the house. He refused to let me buy him out the house so as well as the stress of the breakup I have been arranging a new mortgage and home move. He continued to control this and would not engage with a solicitor to arrange our finances, I lost one new property because of the hold up on his part and continued to be stuck in ‘our’ house with him arriving when he wanted. July, the First weekend, is when things changed. The abuse had been continuing but this night it got worse. He tried to chuck me out the house, I had been working. I said let me get my stuff so I can leave, I went upstairs to pack he was following me everywhere, pushing me around, to the ground, pulled me up again and became very violent to me. This time something snapped in me, I dialled 999 he didn’t have a chance to grab my phone like he usually did. He was arrested I had to go through every account of things he does, emotional, financial, vilolent and sexual to a police officer. He ended up once court later that week, CPS didn’t feel enough evidence, my face bruised, marks on my body, but it happened behind closed doors with no witnesses. I remember being petrified he would get in trouble and was stupidly thankful he wasn’t sentenced. Instead he wasn’t given a restraining order and conditions. At first I hated it, I craved him, I wanted him. I felt lost. But then I got better, I see things so differently. I have been to hell and back these passed 6 months and would not wish this journey on anyone. But if you are or think you are in a abusive relationship, please speak to someone, please ask for help. No one can expalin the doubt you have in yourself when deciding to leave and actually trying to follow it through.
I’m by no means feeling great. But I am now optimistic about the future for me and my son. I am still receiving counselling and my son is having support to. We will be ok.