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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unbearable pain

6 replies

Feelingsodesperate · 31/08/2018 15:17

Long time mumsnet lurker and I’ve read so many posts and replies of people who’ve somehow got through the most awful, painful, heartbreaking experiences. I really need help with how to cope with this.

My ex partner has met someone else and decided he prefers her. They met while we were still together. We have DC which he has cut contact with in favour for his new partner. I only found this out through contacting her as I found suspicious messages - his behaviour had changed towards me and he was acting very distant.

My heart is truly shattered, he has also told me that it’s my fault he will no longer see DC because I contacted this woman - potentially causing problems between them (who he now claims is the love of his life).

It’s still very early days for me (weeks) but I am struggling so much. It’s constantly playing on my mind. My ex partner is also now ignoring me in my attempts to contact him about DC, while he is living with the new woman.

He has told her awful lies about me (she told me this, and that she believes them) She is also pregnant. Baby was likely conceived while me and my partner were still together. The woman knew about us and our DC when she began seeing him too.

He has made it very clear how strongly he feels towards her and that she will now come above everything else in his life, including our DC. This isn’t a phase and it seems like he has been planning abandoning us for months. He lied and made excuses which I didn’t believe and then admitted he wanted our relationship to be more ‘casual’ because he was overwhelmed.

I feel so incredibly stupid and especially as he has told me the reason he won’t see dc is due to me contacting the woman for answers. Answers which made me feel a million times worse.

What do I do and how on earth can I move forwards? Thank you Sad

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 31/08/2018 15:40

Must be awful for you OP. He's trying to transfer all the guilt that he feels onto you. Nothing should stop him wanting to see his own child, saying it is your fault is ridiculous.

I know hard but maybe try and back off for now. Stop contacting him. It's doing not good anyway is it OP?

Have you got anyone you can talk with in RL? How old is your child?

stubble · 31/08/2018 15:43

What a low life he is. I think being hostile and formal is the only way, he knows he has behaved disgracefully and is trying to make it your fault

hellsbellsmelons · 31/08/2018 15:48

he has told me the reason he won’t see dc is due to me contacting the woman for answers
That is bollox. Stop listening to his crap.
He isn't seeing DC because he doesn't want to.

Does he work?
If so, get onto CSA and get them on the case for maintenance payments.
Unless you already have something set up with him on this??
He's a disgusting human being.
HAVE A CHECK HERE IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE EARNS
Although I have a feeling he probably doesn't bother to work.

As for the heartbreak.
Nothing you can do but give yourself time.
Look after yourself.
Look after your DC.
Get as much support around you as possible.
If you feel yourself slipping then get to your GP.
Keep busy.
Keep hydrated
Keep your sugar level up!

It's crap - truly truly crap.
But you can and will get through this.
You are stronger than you think.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 31/08/2018 15:49

Have you contacted cms? Men like him will only suffer via their wallet. His gf won't be so happy when it hits home he still has to support his dc financially.
Is your home rented?

Feelingsodesperate · 31/08/2018 15:52

He works cash in hand and doesn’t declare any of his income, tried going through CMS and they have no employer for collect and pay as he doesn’t have an employer and his tax info from HMRC comes up as no earnings so no chance of getting a penny from him. Which adds insult to injury - I expected CMS ago be able to investigate somehow Confused

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/08/2018 15:57

Agree he's not seeing your child or children becayse he chooses not to, and he's using your contacting her as a way to punish you by telling you that's the reason.

How long were you together and how old are the kids? How old are you?

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